I must have been dozing off the entire day, because I do not remember a damn thing from last night, Except that I made a new friend every Saturday night. Today is Thursday, and the last time we have spoken was last Friday, When i got miserably wasted and spilled some real shit.
I remember talking about being alone, and i wouldn't be lying if i felt that way, because now that the secret it out... The secret that i am an outcast, I feel like one.
I was a free spirit, not caring about what people thought of me, but i became insecure, and now my every waking thought is Something is wrong with me. There is no longer blood in my veins, it is replaced with an internal darkness i have yet to discover. I don't know how to stop this feeling, the feeling of hate towards every single living thing, but maybe i should enforce my difference, and not give a flying fuck about anyone else or their opinion, because they didn't seem to care about mine.
"Anna!" my mom calls from downstairs and i groan before going to see what is up.
"What?"
"Sam called your phone"
"Thanks." I grab it and walk back upstairs and check my phone. Just to make sure that she didnt snoop. She did no harm, so i call Sam back.
"Hey!"
"Hey." I respond back and she sighs, obviously knowing something is wrong.
"What's wrong?"
"The usual, things nobody can fix."
"Well i'm here if you need me, you know that Anna." She says and i respond with a thank you before hanging up, and grabbing my book from my nightstand.
"How can Christian Be Hardin's Father!? what the fuck???" I say out loud on accident, laughing afterwards and continue reading.
.
I decide to call Harry. It is Friday morning and i decide to have him come over. I can't wait until Saturday to get my hands on another bottle. I normally drink every night, but i ran out of one bottle and i have to sneak back into my mothers room and get more before Harold decides to come here.
I sneak into her room trying to be as quiet as possible and i make no sound. She isn't in the room or anything i just don't want her to hear the floor creak or some shit.
"Here we go." I smirk and grab another bottle of my magic, and I get up to leave her room and she is standing by the door, her lips pursed in a straight line.
"What do you think you're doing? She asks and i shrug.
"I am your mother, you think you can steal from me?" She half yells and i laugh, hysterically.
"You think you're my mother? Guess what, My shit excuse of a father beat her so she killed herself, but you never told me! So don't you dare tell me that you are my mother because you will never take that place." I scream and she steps back, Struck by my choice of words. And frankly so am i.
She says nothing and leaves the room. I go to my room, bottle in hand and grab my journal.
"She thinks she has the right to call herself my mother? That is a new low, and i believe i have reached my breaking point with her. Keeping a secret from me, a life changing secret, for my whole life. I called her my mom, and believed it. But now i know the truth and i don't trust a soul because i can't deal with anymore pain and betrayal. I have no idea what Harry had planned for our thing Saturday, but i have no clue either, but we will figure everything out when it happens. If anyone ever found this journal, everything about me would be revealed. Not that i care, since everything i thought about myself seemed to be a lie, so why not reveal the truth?"
As soon as I finish writing, i decide to not ask Harold to come over because i want this one all to myself, nobody to ruin my pity party.
"Anna?" Sam asks from outside my window, scaring the living crap out of me.
"What are you doing here?" I ask and try to hide the bottle even though she has already seen it and is obviously confused.
"I came to check on you since you seemed upset earlier, now what is that?" She pints to my bottle and i look down.
"Why?" She asks and i shrug.. Except i do know what's wrong but i do not want to relive this past week.
"I'm sorry." I say and she climbs in the window and hugs me. What did i do to deserve such a good friend to be there for me?
"Thank you for showing up." I say and she smiles.
"I said i would always be there for you, and i meant that." She says.
I still feel more alone than words can say, but for a split second i feel okay.
"I have to go home now, but i will text you as soon as i get back." She says and climbs out the window.
I am back to being alone yet again. I should have known the slight feeling of security would not last long.
_________________________________________
HI GUYS.
Does anyone really read this? It's crap to be honest lol.
6 MONTHS AND 24 DAYS.
The songs for this chapter are...
Sippy Cup- Melanie Martinez
Dollhouse- Melanie Martinez
Lost boy- Troye Sivan
Steal The Show- Ricky Dillon/ Trevor Moran.
Don't forget to vote and comment.
Love you guys.
All the loveeeee
-Raina xx
(P.s if ANYONE reading this needs a friend or anyone to talk to, I am here. No matter what time it is, i don't sleep lmao. But if something is on your mind, Inbox me. I will reply as soon as possible.)
