Being Josh Ramsay's Daughter

Guilt

Megan looked at me, disapprovingly. She knew I hadn't told him yet. She was worried I wouldn't. She was right, only I didn't have anything to tell him anymore. There was nothing wrong with me. And, there was nothing wrong with Daddy anymore either. Things could finally go back to normal -well as normal as things could be at this point.

"Cadi, what was that all about?" Dad asked me.

"I got some tests done the other day." I spoke selectively, trying not to tell him too much.

Megan expected me to continue. She was waiting for it, so was he.

"Tests for what?" He asked.

"I thought I might have the flu. I don't." I lied, looking at Megan.

I'd explain everything to Megan later. When dad couldn't hear me anymore.

"Okay. Sounds good kiddo. Let's get out of here. I'm dying for food that isn't from a hospital cafeteria." He laughed.

Megan was driving so we went to the restaurant of her choice. I don't even know what it was called. But I didn't feel much like eating.

All I could think was how nice our lives were before all of this. And it's all my fault that any of this happened.

"So, Cadi, we should stop at M&M's before we go home so you can get all of your stuff." Dad said, finishing his dessert.

He calls Megan and Mike's place M&M's because he thinks it's clever.

I could tell he was trying to get me talking because I barely said a word the whole time I was eating my small salad. And he couldn't fathom the idea that I only had a salad. Normally I hate salad, normally I would've ordered the biggest thing on the menu and the sweetest dessert.

I looked up from my empty plate and all I could manage to say back to him was "K." And then I went back to staring at the emptiness in front of me.

"Cadi, you okay?" He was starting to get worried.

I wanted to say something, I really did. I didn't want him to be worried. But, I couldn't muster any words. All I did was nod.

The guilt from this whole situation now had added guilt, soon I'll be the reason my father is sad because I can't speak anymore and he's worried.

I have to get over it. I need to do something to get rid of this guilt.