confessions of a total loser

phan, larry, muke anti-proof

Hey guys, I was just writing this to say that I don't "ship" Phan, Larry, and Muke anymore. It's just not real. I hate them so much.

Here are some of the reasons for each ship:

· Phan

Have you seen the way Dan looks at Phil? It's a best-friend-look. Unlike the way Dan looks at his obvious girlfriend, Cat, it's filled with love and passion. I ship #Danrific so much. It's 2016, get with the system!

And I hate how so much people are saying that Dan is a "full-time internet homo." He has never said that!

I feel like Danrific is much more realistic, and I'm going to write a Danrific book because it is my new OTP.

· Larry

Guys, Larry is the fakest thing since dentures. I feel like Harry loves Kendall Jenner more than he loves Louis. I hate it when people say that they have "beards" and that management is controlling them, because it's not true.

And that Wellington video is so fake! I can assure you that they were just practicing for a dance routine and that Harry was on a date with another girl, and so was Louis. Trust me, I've researched.

The tattoos are just coincidences. Louis has got the dagger because he's going to punish all the "Larries" with it.

· Muke

Have you seen Luke and Michael together? So fake. They're obviously pretending to be a closeted couple so that they could get more attention. Psh, such attention-seekers.

They still hate each other. They only pretend to be best friends to keep the band together. Simple.

The only thing that's real is #Lailey, Luke and Hailey Baldwin. They look so good together, I can't even. They are made for each other.

So yeah, those are the explanations to everything.

If you ship a "closeted" ship, you better stop that right now. It's not good to force a sexuality on anyone, because assuming someone is straight is totally not the same as assuming that someone likes the same gender. Heteronormativity is the way to go.

Bye. I hate everyone who ships any of the ships stated above!