Blind

Chapter 23

My legs were still shaking when I looked into his eyes. I suddenly felt a hurtfull stitch in my head but now every puzzle piece in it was able to find its pair to complete the big picture. Everything made sense and I was glad that my brain wasn't fried anymore but there was something that still didn't made me smile. It wasn't only the shock and the incredibility what he produced with his words, it was the fact that his words were at the wrong place at the wrong time.

"Can you please say anything?" the boy in front of me said while his eyes felt with tears.

His spotless face turned into an insecure one and nothing of his usual being what made me fall for him slowely was there anymore. His eyes had not got the same shine what made me feel hypnotized usually and his pink cheeks, which made him look healthy and alive, were replaced by paleness.

"Please," he said while my heart nearly broke because of the pain in his voice.

"I am sorry," I said, wiped away a tear from his cheek and left the ally.

»I am sorry for being not strong enough to tell you what I am thinking right now and I am sorry for the fact that you thought lying would make everything better« , I finished my sentence in my head.

My feets got me slowely into the direction home. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I knew I was allowed to be sad but was I even allowed to be angry at him because I somehow was.

Before I wanted to turn left I stopped and looked around because deep down I had the hope he would follow and tell me what I should do and that everything will be good but he didn't. I didn't even know if he was gone already or if he was still in the ally, heartbroken and angry at the same time. Angry at me.

Mum left me a piece of paper on the stairs to tell me she is having a girls' night out with her friends Chelsey and Naomi, I saw when I came home. This was the first good message that day, because I knew my mum was having fun. At least on of us.

I knew being alone right now would be the silliest thing I could do because then I had too much time to bother my head about everything over and over again but my scared ego didn't want anyone to feel sad for me, even tough Sara really desereved an explanation.

When I walked up the stairs, the first thing I did was to splash cold water into my face to keep a cool had but I recognized that this wasn't possible when your head was already spinning.

Because of that I decided to watch TV to calm down but the only thing I was able to was to lose myself in thought that I didn't even notice that I got stuck on a football match on TV. Only the shout of the presentor waked me up of my thoughts when the team with the red jerseys had scored.

I turned of the TV and looked onto the watch above our door. 6 o'clock. Pretty early considering that a lot of things happened and still a lot of things that I could do, and now I knew what I wanted to do.

Over 90.000.000 results in 0,60 seconds. My hands were shaking and needed ages to type.
5 members, 5 boys, 5 singers. And there he was. Harry Edward Styles, born on the 1. February 1994 in Redditch, who has a sister and who auditioned for X-Factor in 2010.

My heart was beating. I couldn't believe this all was true. It all seemed impossible for me. I wasn't shocked about the fact that I didn't know him or rather that I didn't identify him because I was never one of these fangirls who are obsessed with boybands. All my friends from my class were addicted to their phones to check their twitter, instagram and facebook where they got notificed about the celebreties, but I only used my laptop once a year, like this time.

Just when I remebered how the old Mike started to sing I found a few videos of them singing live on stage. I layed on my back on my bed and listened to a bunch of songs of them which gave me a cold shiver all the time when I heard his voice. His strong voice which I made so small and painfull.

I just wanted to turn of my laptop when a song came on, I needed to listen to particularly. It was not like because I thought it was just a nice one, it was because of the lyrics.

The end of the night

We should say goodbye

But we carry on

While everyone's gone

Never felt like this before

Are we friends or are we more?

As I'm walking towards the door

I'm not sure

I straightened up and watched onto my screen where Harry was singing. For some reasons I felt concerned with this song, with the lyric.

Harry and I already shared a lot of weird, sad and bad moments with each other but somehow we always found our way back. We never said goodbye to each other, wether I had a wrong behavior or he. This time it was different. It wasn't only one who acted wrong, we both did but had our reasons. The fact that he lied to me about who he really is and that he concealed it wasn't right but he did this because he was afraid. Afraid of getting my attention just because he is famous. I didn't see that first. I always saw the point of lying but not from his point of view.

Now I was sure. I definitely never felt like this before. There never was someone before who made me feel that way. Love, sadness, anxiety. Love towards him, sandess while a tear run down his face and anxiety when I had got the thought of not seeing him again. And now, just when I opened the door and felt the fresh air on my skin, I knew that we were more.