You Don't Understand

chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

This felt wrong. It isn't right. Then again, what truly is the right choice? I can tell you one thing: it sure wasn't these lips on mine.

Christian Nestell Bovee said "It is the passion that is in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it."

There is nothing sweet or affectionate as to what was taking place on my couch. His lips moved roughly against mine, as if I was his midnight snack. I responded, but I wasn't feeling it.  It wasn't soft or gentle. Not even close to passionate. All is was to me was a swab of our spit.

It took all I had not to push him away from me. Only last Sunday, I slapped that jerk from crashing his lips onto mine. He was mad, the guy had a temper, but all he said was "A feisty one. Now kiss me or your parents will know more than they want to." before he pressed his lips against mine again. At first I didn't react or respond. Then we had a conversations and it became a priority to act in response to his 'affectionate' actions.

I couldn't take it. I pulled away from the kiss, which caused him to groan in protest. "Just got to grab some water."

Grabbing a bottle of water, I twisted the cap off and leaned against the marble counter. I gazed at the kitchen just letting my thoughts free to unravel and be considered. My ears perked up to the sound of footsteps entering the room. I didn't even need to check who it was. Isn't it funny how you lived in a house with the same people for so many years, that you can tell who's approaching just by the sound of their footsteps ringing in your ears? Yeah, well sometimes, I wish I didn't know.

" What do you want Killian?"

He started questioning me, "What the hell is going on, Jessa? At first he showed up and now you're kissing him? I guess that rumor about you two being a couple is true too then? I hope you haven't forgotten that you have a GODDAMN BOYFRIEND, THAT'S WAY BETTER THAN HIM!"

"I KNOW!" I shot back. "Just stop screaming at me Killian."

"Then tell me what's going on. What's he doing here? You've been acting weird ever since he showed up on our doorstep.  He didn't come to pass a message to mom, did he? There's something more going on."

"JUST STOP! Please. . . I have my reasons and none of them are in need of your concern."

"OH TELL SOMEONE WHO WILL BELIEVE YOU! THEY DON'T NEED MY CONCERN, THEY BEG FOR IT! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME. I JUST WANT TO SAY, THAT THE GIRL I KNOW, THAT I CALL A SISTER, STAYS TRUE TO HER RELATIONSHIPS AND DOESN'T GET WITH A SNOB LIKE HIM. You have a boyfriend, Jessa, a good one. Just because he's away doesn't mean you should replace him with a je-"

DING - DONG    DING - DONG

Saved by the bell. "I'll get that." I stated and walked away. As I brushed by my brother I said, "I guess you should change your perspective of me, because you obviously don't know who I truly am."

I sped down quickly through the hall, desperate to put as much distance between my brother and I. That was intense. Who knew wanting water could be so dramatic. I threw the door open and the person behind it was someone I didn't want to see, ever, otherwise things had to happen, things I didn't want to.

After my shock I closed the door in the person's face and went back to the living room where Caleb lay watching a show. He acknowledge my presence and the only word I could squeeze out was, "It's. . ."

A smirk appeared on Caleb's face as he stood up, inches from my face. "It's him isn't it? Well, you know what to do, or else."

I closed my eyes, swallowed, and nodded slowly in confirmation.