Chapter Nineteen

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Finn still hasn't said a word to me and it's the day of sectionals. No one knows if he's coming so Blaine is replacing him for now. I'm so sad. Because of me, Finn is missing out at sectionals.

Everyone found out about what happened to me. It was weird, they all treated me like glass. Even Quinn apologized for what she's done in the past. I haven't spoken to anyone but San, Britt, Sam, and kitty.

After sectionals the five of us are going to New York for the trial. I'm scared out of my mind. I want Finn, so badly to be here, and to hold me and tell me everything's going to be ok, like he always does. But this time he won't, because I screwed up.

My dads tried as much as they could, but they couldn't get a flight back here or to New York. So I'm stuck going alone with my friends. Not even my parents could come. But really I just wanted one person to come with me.

/////

They're doing all of our songs. All of them! I don't know how or why, but somehow they got a hold of our set list and are doing all of them. This is so infuriating, but honestly I'm too distracted.

The Mercedes stands up pissed off,

"Meeting in the green room, now!" She said over the music

We all got up and followed her. Mr.Schue couldn't come because sue got him suspended, so we're here with ms.pilsbury, and she went to the phone and everyone lost it.

Artie kept ramming himself into the wall, Britney was crying, and I'm pretty sure some kid wet himself. Everyone was freaking out, honestly I was just worried about tonight.

We were all in the room as ms.pilsbury walked out, I assume to talk to the other instructors. Everyone was quiet and unsure of what to do.

"Ok guys, we need to figure out our set list and fast, Mercedes do you have any other songs?" I ask

"No, but you're the best singer here, I think you should do the ballad" Mercedes says
"Mercedes is right, Rachel you're our star, if we're going to win this, we need you to sing" Kurt added

What? That's too much pressure! I can't sing, especially for a competition. It's too much for me.

"I agree," Quinn added

I was looking at everyone as they looked at me with hopeful eyes. Then Santana came up to me.

"You got this, sing funny girl, you're always rambling about how much you love the movie, well now's your chance to be Barbra" she reminds

For the first time, I agree. It's time for me to get back to my ambitious, talented self. So I look at everyone, and see how they all just believe in me.

"Ok, I'll do it" I say
"Alright now, for the group number I say we should, do somebody to love, it's a real crowd pleaser" Quinn added
"Yeah, that and can of soup next to third place" puck said

We all stayed quiet unsure of what to do. Then Finn walked in. It got even more awkward. He looked at Quinn and I and looked so hurt, making me feel so bad. Then he showed us some sheet music,

"I have a song, I got it from the Cheerios copy machine and then I trashed the thing" Finn said proud of himself

I just smiled to myself a little. Of course he did.

"Glad to have you back," Mercedes said

Finn just nodded. And then he looked at us,

"Look, all we have going for us, is that we believe in ourselves and get out there and show them we can win this thing," Finn started

"Mike, Britney, Matt, you're our best dancers, think you can work on choreography for us?" Finn asks
"It's going to be choppy" Mike said
"Good, the choppier the better, we're best when we're loose" he said

Then everyone started getting ready and preparing. I just looked at Finn with sad eyes as Quinn said,

"Finn, I-I"

He completely ignored her and passed by me, not even acknowledging us. I guess I deserved that. I shook it off, trying not to cry, and got ready. I feel terrible, but I have to learn this choreography and songs, so we can win this thing.

////

New directions perform

////

We were all standing there holding hands, waiting to hear the answers, and the announcer came out,

"The 2009 show choir winner is........ The NEW DIRECTIONS!!!"

We all started jumping up and down hugging each other. I was so happy, until I saw Finn across the stage. He was smiling at the same time as me, but then he saw me and his smile slowly faded away.

I got so sad, and then I stopped smiling. No one really noticed. I was pulled out of my haze when Santana came up to me serious.

"Rachel, we have to go now if we want to catch the train" she said with Britney close behind

"Right," I said getting nervous all over again

We walked out, without saying goodbye. I didn't want to take a chance that people would start asking questions. Kitty also didn't want people to know. Which I totally agreed with.

////

I was waiting at my house for Santana to come by to pick me up again. She had dropped me off so we could get our bags. But she seems to be taking a while

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Santana POV
I got my stuff and passed by tubbers house. I know how much Rachel wanted him to come. I'm also pretty sure he didn't even read her whole diary, because I don't think he knows about her rape.

So I knock on the door and he opens it,

"What is it Santana?" Finn asked
"What is wrong with you?" I asked him
"What?" He asked being dumb as usual
"Did you even read, all of the diary?" I asked pissed
"No, why?" He asked
"Because then you would've known why Rachel did what she did," I said
"Santana, why are you here, you don't need to tell me what.."

I interrupted him,

"Shut your potato hole, I'm not here for you, I'm here for Rachel, she may not have said it out loud, but I know her well enough, to know that she needs you Finn, especially now" I tell him serious

"Why? What's wrong" he asks concerned

See I knew he still cares about her, cause it's obvious he's in love with her,

"We're going to New York, and if you can read the diary fast enough, go to the train station before we leave, it's important" I tell him

Before he could respond I leave. I didn't want to tell him about her cutting or her rape. I think he should read it on his own, that way he finds out on his own. If he shows up, then I'll know Rachel will be at much more peace.

I know she needs him, just as much as he needs her.

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