Constant and Changing (kryber)

Chapter 41: MILK

Krystal sat in her darkened room on the second floor of her parents' home and tried to shut herself off from the world. Outside these walls she would be forced to face reality and begin a new chapter of her life as f(4). But in here, all by herself, Krystal could cling to the precious days as f(5) until she was ready to move on.

In all honesty, Krystal was feeling much better today than she had felt yesterday when Sulli shared her desire to leave f(x). After returning home from the studio, Sulli called her and they had spent the evening on the phone, reminiscing about f(x) and the years they had spent together as teammates. There were too many memories to sift through during their hours-long phone call, but the two soul mates shared enough laughter in one evening to last a lifetime.

It was like Krystal and Sulli were trying make up for all the memories that they would no longer be able to create as f(x) members by reliving all of the cherished memories that they had already created. Their deep conversation helped heal some of the wounds that had been inflicted by yesterday's ordeal, but Krystal knew that only time would heal her heart completely. Still, Krystal was grateful that Sulli had called her and helped her to begin the healing process.

In the early hours of the day, just as Sulli and Krystal were preparing to hang up and go to bed, Krystal felt the urge to ask Sulli to confirm once more that she was serious about leaving f(x). The younger girl opened her mouth to speak, but she found that she couldn't bring herself to ask that question. She knew that Sulli must have gathered an unbelievable amount of courage in order to admit that she wanted to leave and to ask the f(x) members for their blessings. Questioning Sulli's decision again would mean undermining Sulli's efforts, and Krystal just couldn't do that to her friend.

"...I won't change my mind, Soojung-ah," Sulli said softly after a moment of silence, accurately guessing Krystal's hesitation.

"You knew I was gonna ask that, huh? You know me too well, Sulli-ah," Krystal replied with a sad smile.

The two girls made promises to keep in touch and to cheer each other on in their respective paths. There was a heaviness in Krystal's heart as she said goodbye to Sulli and put down her phone, but there was a sense of closure as well and she went to sleep with fond memories of Sulli and f(x) in her mind. It was no surprise to Krystal that she dreamt of f(x) that night. The members in her dreams kept watch over her as she slept, keeping her warm and protected until morning.

When Krystal woke up the day following Sulli's departure, she couldn't quite remember her dreams from last night, but the kindness from her members left a lasting impression on her heart. The pain and anger that Krystal felt yesterday when she thought of Victoria, Amber, and Luna judging her behind her back was now replaced by a strong sense of regret. With a refreshed heart, Krystal tried to reflect on the situation with her members.

She thought about her past behavior and tried to understand why her unnies felt the need to force themselves to accept the idea that she might abandon them one day. Krystal had always known in her heart that she wanted to stay with f(x) to the end. But despite the dedication that Krystal felt, clearly she had not portrayed those feelings well to her members. She thought about all the times that she and Sulli had attempted to skip practice as trainees, or how often they put in only the bare minimum required at practice. The two young girls valued their free time over practice time and were rarely seen in the practice room unless they were ordered to be there.

But on the other hand, Victoria, Amber, and Luna had worked extremely hard as trainees. Especially Luna, the three members practiced around the clock to hone their singing and dancing skills until the wee morning hours. Where Krystal suspected she would make it into the group due to her connection with Jessica, and where Sulli was favored by President Lee Sooman, the other three didn't have the luxury of a guaranteed spot in f(x)'s lineup and they had to work harder to achieve their dreams. Simply put, Krystal hadn't been working as hard as she should have been working, and it was clear to her now. She could no longer question why her unnies' discussed her commitment to the group behind her back.