J U S T I N
"FANCY A WALK ON the beach?" Someone says, startling me from behind.
I nod my head and we both exit the house, the early dawn light being enough for us to see our way to the beach. The ocean is my outlet. It has been since I was a small child and it always would be. Growing up on the coast, I was constantly escaping to the beach, leaving my parents madly hunting me down. Being amongst the waves, or ever watching them from the shore sooths me. It's peaceful and enchanting. I can always count on the ocean to help me clear my head. When Matilda suggested a walk, I couldn't think of anything more appropriate in this situation.
At first, we walk in silence, neither of us daring to break it. It isn't that I didn't want to talk, it's the fact that I don't know what to say. There is so much that we need to discuss, but I have no idea how or where to begin. I guess that goes the same for Tilda.
"Back at the hospital," I says, finally making the first move as per usual. "I was only trying to be supportive. I wasn't trying to control you or give you orders. I just wanted to be there for you when you needed me to. I understand why you acted the way you did, but I thought after cooling off you'd come speak to me. I've always been insecure of our relationship, and when you pushed me away and ignored me, I thought that was the end for us. I didn't fight for you because I'm sick of always being the base of our relationship. I'm sick of always being the one to fight. I'm always the one to put in the effort to make things work. If you wanted our relationship to continue, you would have fought for us. You would have put in the effort, and when you didn't, it hurt. Do you know how much that hurt Tilda? It made me feel so unimportant and worthless. And not to mention the whole Riley thing! But seriously Tilda, Riley? I'm already insecure enough about our relationship and then you go prance around rubbing it my face as if nothing was happening."
"I was upset. I wasn't in my right stage of mind. As for Riley, he and Ella were there for me when you and the others weren't. They tried, and they fought for me when the rest of you didn't," she says, defending herself once again.
That's the thing about Tilda, she doesn't admit that she's wrong. It's always someone else who has to apologise and that's the reason I didn't in the first place. She needs to learn that her way isn't always the right way. She needs to take responsibility. She needs to realise the way she's been treating us is wrong.
"That's what I'm trying to make you realise! You need to listen and see this from my perspective for once. You say that I wasn't there for you, but I tried. I did try, but when I did, you pushed me away. You didn't want me to support you. That was a decision you made on your own and I respected that by giving you space. As for the others, I can't speak on their behalf, but I'm sure they have their reasons," I say, hoping that she'll finally see where I'm coming from.
"You could have tried harder. If you'd came to me a few days after, I'm sure I would've let you in. You shouldn't have left after one bad conversation when I was still caught up in the moment. My emotions were all over the place," she replies, obviously still not seeing my point. Honestly, I love her, but she can be so clueless sometimes.
"You could've come to me, Tilda. If you really wanted me there, you would have come to me, but you didn't and that's why I left you alone. When you didn't come to me for support, it told me loud and clear that you didn't want me, so I didn't try. It's like the saying, you can only help someone as long as they're willing to be helped. Why didn't you come to me? Why did you chose to go to Riley over me? I'm your boyfriend. I'm the one you should lean on when you're down. I should be the one you turn to for support, but you turned to Riley. Do you even want a relationship with me?"
