The Summer to Remember

Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Pre-Note: HEY Y'ALL I'M BACK! :D Haha did you miss me?

Ian:

Every time I closed my eyes, I prayed that I would wake up back in Bar Harbor, able to correct myself before making the biggest mistake of my life.

But, I would open them, and my life would still be the living hell it is today. Either in the car, or in a hotel room, or at a restaurant somewhere, with my best friend, who now knew the truth about me. That I was gay. Not only that, but I was in love with him.

And I felt horrible. I was the reason things were so awkward, the reason this vacation was a disaster now. If I would have just kept my mouth shut and let things stay the way they were, we would still be the happy, carefree best friends we were three days ago. And now, there was always this lingering bubble of awkwardness and tension surrounding us. Anthony kept trying to pop it by making a joke or trying starting a conversation about something we would talk about before... the reveal, and I too would try to pop it, trying to go along with it, but my mind would always fuck it up, just like how it fucks everything up, by reminding me that everything was different now. Our friendship of over a decade, gone. 

And the worst part was, he knew absolutely everything now. He kept asking these questions involving my feelings for him, and I just answered them, because what was the point of keeping them to myself? 

Really though, what would happen now? Would he be comfortable still living under one roof with me? Would he still be okay with Smosh? Everything would be different. And I couldn't change it now.

After I told him, and he rejected me, I was really hoping I might finally be able to move on and get over him. But, I still found myself loving him just as much as before.

*

Our next stop was this little town in Delaware. My mom had actually recommended it for us, because I guess she came here as a kid and fell in love with it. Really, I didn't see what was so special about it. It was a really tourtist-y town with tons of shops and ice cream places. But they did have a really nice beach, which I was excited for. 

We left Boston so late (on account of oversleeping), we got there too late to do anything, really. Everything was closed, and it looked like it was gonna rain anyways.

We were just driving around the city, looking for our hotel. Even though it was only a little after ten, nothing lit the streets but streetlamps, and there were no other people anywhere. I guess everyone goes to bed pretty early here.

"This looks a lot like Bar Harbor," Anthony commented from the driver's seat.

I nodded a little, but couldn't think of what to reply. Bar Harbor made me think of memories... bad memories.

He huffed. "You know, not talking to me isn't gonna solve anything."

I looked over at him, racking my brain for a reply. It's not that I didn't wanna talk to him, I just... didn't know what to say.

He sighed angirly again, and then slammed on the brakes in the middle of the road (which, if I must mention is highly ticketable, but considering there seemed to be no form of human life anywhere, we would be fine).

I stared at him confused, and he ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated, and spoke in that tone of voice where he was trying to sound calm but was obviously really frustrated, staring straight through the windshield toward the empty street ahead.

"You know, I'm really trying to help, but you're making this really fucking difficult."

I bit my lip and stared at his dark shadow, feeling pain eat away at my heart. Great, I fucked up so bad he was now mad at me. And he rarely ever got mad at me.

"It's like you don't even wanna be friends anymore." He ran a big, clammy hand over his face, which he also did when mad, and huffed for the third time before continuing. "I really don't care that you're gay, or even that you like me. I told you that the moment after you told me. I'm just trying to make things normal again, and you're making that really fucking hard by ignoring me."

I felt tears form in my eyes and quickly blinked them away. I was trying to talk, I really was. My throat was just so dry, and I found it hard to breathe, and didn't know what to say.

"God, would you just talk to me?!" he yelled, finally looking at me. "You're making this vacation really unenjoyable."

That last comment really hit me hard, and I let out a sob, quickly covering my mouth afterwards, praying he hadn't heard it.

"I'm sorry," I muttered shakily, feeling the hot tears fall down my cheeks.

He sighed and I looked up to see him leaning against his palm, his eyes shut.

"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry. Please don't cry," he said, looking back over at me.

I bit my lip. I looked so small compared to him; curled up in my seat, crying, while he let out all his anger.

"Ian, I'm sorry. Please stop crying."

I turned my head so I could see out the window. "It's not that I... I don't wanna talk to you... I just... don't know what to say."

I heard him sigh, again, and then felt his hand on my shoulder.

I turned slowly, and met his eyes shining through the nearly-blackness. 

"I didn't mean it, Ian. I promise. I'm still having so much fun. I know you're in a lot of pain, and need time to recover. I just wish you would at least try to talk to me, because I already miss joking and laughing with you. I promise, nothing's gonna change. Like I said before, you're still my best friend, and you always will be." His tone was much softer now, resembling that of an adult speaking to a young kid.

I pursed my lips and nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad."

He shook his head. "No, no, no. You didn't make me mad. You never make me mad. I was just frustarted, that's all."

He unbuckled his seatbelt and leaned over, hugging me tightly. I slowly hugged back, leaning into his shoulder. The hug felt so right, but so wrong at the same time. Bittersweet.

"I'm sorry I yelled. I just lost my temper. I didn't mean any-"

"It's okay," I cut him off, smiling a little when his hand began making small circles on my back. "I would have yelled at me too."

A/N: So sorry I came back to you with such a boring chapter ._. I really wish I would have updated just once more before leaving because the next chapter gets hella intense. But yeah! I'm glad to be back! I don't start school for two weeks still, so I have plenty of time to update some more :) Oh, and I started my Smoshernatual fic! This will still be my main, and I probably won't update that quite as much as this, and it won't be as long either. But I'm really excited for that! I'll post the first part soon! Omg though, I missed you guys :'D See ya latah c: