Broken Home

XXXVII

Ashton

I haven't seen Connor in days. Not a single word. Good news is, I'm back home. I guess it's good news. I'm 4 days clean, that's a plus. But Calum's locked himself in his room and Luke is still with his Mum. I haven't spoken to Michael at all, so I've basically been doing nothing all week.

It's so quiet here, nothing ever happens. The occasional sobs heard from Calum's room aren't loud enough to get rid of the silence. Michael's loud guitar playing isn't enough either. I'm just stuck staring down at my arms for hours, sitting in silence.

Each cut is more of a scar now, and each one has a story. I remember each individual line's reason of existence, each one just as bad as the next. I sit in silence for hours, just remembering each one.

"ASHTON!" I heard Calum yell from upstairs. "AAASSHHHTTOONNN!"

I stood up from the couch, and ran up to his room. The door was locked, but I could hear Calum crying.

"Calum? Open the door!"

"ASHTON! ASHTON, HELP ME!"

"What?! What's wrong?!"

"HELP ME, PLEASE!"

He screamed like he was in terrible pain.

"WHAT HAPPENED?! OPEN THE DOOR!"

"ASHTON!"

"WHAT?!"

"DON'T LET ME DO THIS, ASHTON!"

"WHAT?!" I began banging on the door.

"Please, help me." I heard him whisper.

I heard a thud on the door, meaning he was laying on it now.

"Open the door, Calum!" I shouted.

"I'm so sorry."

"Calum?"

"I'm sorry for making you break up with her. I'm so sorry for making you get so sad, so depressed to the point you hurt yourself."

"Calum, open the door."

"I'm sorry for making you want to kill yourself. I'm so sorry for doing all of this to you."

"It's not your fault. Stop whatever you're doing and open this door."

"It is my fault. I didn't want to have to take care of a child with you idiots so I made you break up with her. Now she's really gone and you can't get back with the love of your life."

"Shut up, Calum. Open the door."

"You always told me how much you loved her. I was so scared of having to take care of someone other than myself and didn't realize what I'd tell you would turn the entire world upside down."

"Calum, it's not your fault. Open the door."

"I'm such a screw up. I messed everything up. You could have died. It's all my fault. So many things are ruined because of me."

"It's not your fault."

"Yes, it is. I'm so sorry."

"It doesn't matter who's fault it is. What matters now is that we're all okay and we're all still kicking."

"Why aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be? You're my idiot brother."

"Idiot is right."

"Whatever. Just open the door."

There was a long silence. I got scared, wondering why he was screaming. Was he hurting himself?

"Look in the mirror, and ask yourself if you're alright." He sang, breaking the silence.

"Put on the glitter that your soul hides behind." I sang back, sitting on the floor, my back pressed against the door.

"You're in my mind."

"I'm singing."

"You're in my mind."

"I'm singing."

"La-da la-da la-da la-da la-da la-da da." We sang together.

"Open the door now." I knocked softly.

It was silent again, which made me even more afraid. I could hear him groan in pain, whimpering.

"Open the door, Calum."

The door knob twisted, and the door swung open. I crawled in, spotting him sitting by the open door, a lighter and a spoon in his hand. He was heating up the spoon and burning his arm.

"STOP IT!" I yelled, taking the hot spoon away from him and throwing it across the room.

"I'm sorry." He slouched, the lighter falling out his hand.

He started crying, his body shaking with every sob. I crawled up to him, hugging his trembling body. He hugged me back, crying into my shoulder.

"It's not your fault. It doesn't matter who's fault it is. It's in the past, and we can't do anything but move on."

"But you love her."

"Loved. She's gone now."

"Because of m-"

"Calum." I cut him off.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't hurt yourself anymore."

"I'll stop if you stop."

"Deal."