You a Song [Liam Payne BoyxBoy]

Chapter 10

Everything was a mess. Chris was lying on Liam's bed in one of his dresses, reading through Liam's old letters to him. His eyes were stained with tears and Liam was out so Chris couldn't ask him for comfort. Chris got off Liam's bed and left his hotel room, leaving the door open, before sneaking down the hall to Niall's room. Chris was sure he was in. And when Niall opened the door he couldn't be happier.

"Christopher Robin," Niall greeted with a huge grin.

"Are you busy?" Chris asked, ignoring the stupid nickname Niall appeared to have given him.

"I am not busy. Are you alright?" Niall looked Chris up and down. "Wait. Are you in a dress?" Chris looked down as well.

"Oh shit," Chris said. "Fucking shit. I can't - you weren't supposed to see me in this. Fuck." He was getting worked up. Niall pulled Chris into his room and shut the door.

"Tell me what's wrong. Please, Chris. I won't tell anyone about anything."

"Dress included?"

"Dress included." Niall was holding Chris' hands. Chris looked at their hands and sighed.

"I'm gay, Niall." And that's all that was wrong. He was gay and Liam wasn't. (Well Liam wasn't fully straight but Chris didn't see it like that.) "And I love Liam. And yesterday that comment really hurt me. Because Liam is the only reason I'm alive right now." And this was news to Niall. He pulled Chris in for a hug. "I don't want to tell him it hurt me because then I'll have to explain why and bring up things I don't want to remember."

"I'm so sorry Chris. I don't know what to say," Niall said. He held Chris tighter. It was nothing like Liam's hold. But it was nice. "And sorry if this is too personal but does the dress help with this feeling?" Niall pulled away slightly and looked at the dress. It was the nice pinkish red one. Niall thought Chris looked nice in it but didn't say anything.

"Y-yes. They help when I'm feeling bad. But Liam doesn't know that."

"He doesn't know you wear dresses?"

"He doesn't know that's why I wear them." Chris felt himself loosening up. "Niall, Liam and I were pen pals in a another life and that's how I know him. I guess I liked him back then too." Chris moved away from Niall and sat on the floor. "I hated myself, you know. There wasn't a reason and I hated myself for hating myself without a reason. Liam helped me find things that made me happy through his letters. And eventually I came out and everything got better."

"Listen. The fans are sometimes heartless. Some of them are all the time, actually. It's easier to try your best to ignore them, you know?" Niall looked around, and when he was ready, Niall stood up and started taking his pants off.

"Um . . . Niall?" Chris said. "What are you - oh." Niall stood, letting Chris look at the faint scars on his thighs. Old scars, but definitely scars.

"I didn't get it at first," Niall said. "And I turned to self-harm. Have you ever been here?"

"No. I've never let it go that far," Chris said. Niall pulled his pants up and sat down again.

"Good. Because if you go into this it's hard to get out. I had trouble with it and I refused to tell the boys. But Harry and Louis have seen the scars. Liam and Zayn only know I have a past in it." Niall put his hand on Chris' knee.

"Harry and Louis know because they have sex with you. Don't they?" Chris said. It wasn't a question but a cautious statement. Niall's blush was an answer in itself.

"You can tell?" Niall asked.

"They're faded scars. I couldn't really see them at first. They would have had to be close to you to see them. Plus, I mean, the sex hair you had one day couldn't have come from waking off."

"What are you? A sex expert?" Niall said with a forced laugh. Chris thought about telling Niall about him. He wondered if Niall would tell anyone but decided he wouldn't.

"Liam and I are fuck buddies," Chris said, covering his face with his hands. He was about to add something about Zayn when Niall took his hand of Chris' knee.

"That won't help with your feelings for him," Niall said.

"I know that, Sherlock."

"Is that why you're you know . . . Upset?" Niall questioned. His hand was back in Chris' knee. It was like they had some shared secret. Which, in a way they had.

"I guess. It's also because I'm getting all this hate and no one knows my name. I don't have social media so they won't find me there. Thankfully." Chris fell back, laying down on the floor. "I couldn't change it. Meeting Liam, that is. Maybe I would change what we do. Or maybe not. I don't know."

"Chris just don't give up with Liam. Okay?" Niall said. "Whatever you do. Don't give up with him. You never know what could happen."

"Thank you, Niall. Is there feelings with you and Larry?"

"No. It's more of a reassurance thing."

"Then I hope you're forever reassured."