You a Song [Liam Payne BoyxBoy]

Chapter 17

[This chapter may have triggers.]

Liam found himself in Calgary. He was on tour, currently waiting to go to Edmonton to preform but he needed to make a stop in Calgary first. He needed to see Chris more than he had ever needed something. There was no warning, and Liam didn't think Chris needed one. But when to got to Chris' condo he wished he had called ahead. Chris didn't answer the door. So Liam waited outside for half an hour before trying again. That time Chris answered, half asleep.

"Liam?" He questioned.

"I - hi Chris," Liam replied, already turning red.

"What are you doing here?" Chris asked.

"I came to see you. I'm going to Edmonton tomorrow for a show and thought you'd like . . . To come." Liam didn't know why he did the pause but it made things worse.

"Oh. I'm actually busy tomorrow." A lie.

"That's okay." Another lie.

"Maybe one day I could go. After your fans stop hating me." The truth.

"I can't stop that. If I could I would," Liam said. His voice was quiet.

"I know. Do you want to come in?" Chris asked. Liam said yes and entered the condo.

"I want to hold you," Liam said. "To touch you."

"Fuck off, Liam. I don't need this right now." Chris tried to close the door but Liam stopped it with his hand. Not that Chris didn't slam the door on his hand or anything.

"Shit my hand," Liam said.

"You idiot!" Chris yelled. He opened the door again and looked at Liam. "Are you stupid?"

"That hurt," Liam said, holding his hand close to his chest. Chris opened the door wider. He looked at Liam and waited for him to kiss him like Zayn did. But Liam was more interested in his hand.

"Come get ice," Chris sighed. He didn't want Liam in his condo, but he did cause this stupid injury on Liam's stupidly hot hand. And okay, Chris really wanted Liam to shove that hand up his ass but he couldn't ask for that because Liam had moved on from their little friends with benefits thing and found a girl. "Come get some ice," Chris stupidly repeated when Liam hadn't moved. Liam looked at Chris and nodded. As if he just discovered what ice was. Liam followed Chris into the condo and to the kitchen where Chris got him a plastic bag of ice.

***

The sun was setting when Liam asked Chris about the hate.

"What is there to tell?"

"How does it make you feel?" Because Liam needed to know.

"How does it make you feel?" Chris needed this more.

"I wouldn't eat," Liam said. "Because of how people told me I looked too fat. Or how I was unhealthy. You know this. I had a drinking problem for a while - not that anyone cared. But then I told myself it was all bullshit and I stopped listening to them." Liam looked at Chris. "How do you feel?" And it was that question again. Chris turned to face the window. He hated heights, but loved looking at the city in the dying light of the sun.

"You should see what they tell me. They're started so many stories. You remember that jock I kissed, the one who said I tried to rape him? They're spun so many stories out of that. Apparently I sexually assaulted Zayn and that's why he left the band. They tell me to slit my wrists. They tell me they hope I die. They saw me with nail polish and give me shit for that, saying I ruined it for them. Some tell me they hope you kill me, or something like that, because they hate me. Liam I've done nothing to any of these people. I've suffered long enough and sometimes I take their suggestions and I plan them in m-my head. I plan my suicide. I plan the way I'd let them know it was their fault. But then I see myself getting called selfish for making you mad at fans and I can't do anything."

Liam was standing behind Chris now. He wanted to reach out. To hold Chris. But he didn't. He couldn't.

"And sometimes I want to reply to them. To tell them that I've been closer to you then they'd ever be. But I can't. Because to you I'm just a fuck buddy." Chris turned to Liam, and Liam saw he was crying. "I could hang myself. I could cut myself. I could shoot myself. I could take a bottle of pills. I could swim down and keep going until I can't hold in my breath anymore. I want to Liam. I want to do that so badly. But I won't. Because then they'll blame me for you getting mad."

"Don't think about me like that," Liam said. "Chris don't think about how I would react."

"Why?" Chris asked.

"Because you will never be able to guess what you dying would do to me. You will never be close to knowing."

"I have an idea," Chris said, looking Liam over. "You sure seem wreaked about me leaving. I'm not coming back Liam. I'm done with - I'm done with you." And it took everything in Chris' power to say that. And it took everything Liam had to leave.