The Heart's Melody | ✅

Chapter 7: I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours

Tris had to talk to Johanna. She needed her advice and guidance. She couldn't go to Marlene, because Tobias was her brother. Uriah would have acted all weird and interrogated Tobias, because he felt like he needed to protect his surrogate younger sister, while Lynn would have made an inappropriate comment and wouldn't have helped Tris at all. Matt was like her older brother and it felt strange to talk to him about boyfriends and Cameron became overly protective after the Drew incident. And as for Eric, while she told Tobias he was just her friend Tris wasn't blind. She saw how he looked at her, how he always sought her out, how he lingered. She never said anything to him. He must have had his reasons to keep his feelings for her hidden. But he was definitely not the person she should talk to.

She called Johanna's office the moment she was out of earshot. Thankfully, Johanna was free in half an hour and asked her to come to see her. Tris took the subway, since it was quicker than trying to get from one side of Manhattan to the other by cab. She arrived at Dr. Reyes' office just in time. Out of breath, Tris entered the all too familiar room and sat down on the burgundy colored couch. Tris loved how the therapist's office smelled like: cinnamon. It was one of Tris' favorite scents and always calmed her. She mentioned it during their first session when Johanna asked her what made her feel safe and loved and Tris started enumerating a few things, such as her acoustic guitar, her copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" and cinnamon, because her mom always made her cinnamon cookies when she was sad. Tris always suspected that Johanna would light the cinnamon scented candle she got because of her.

"What brings you in here today, Tris? Did something happen?" Johanna asked as she sat down and took out her notepad.

"I need your advice. I know you're not supposed to tell me what to do, but I need your help to figure it out," Tris said in one breath.

"I'll gladly do that, if I can," she said smiling.

Tris started telling her about Tobias' visit and confession. They had talked about the six years older man in previous sessions and Johanna was the only one Tris ever told that she had a serious crush on him ever since they were young. She suppressed her feelings, because of the age gap, but lately, especially since they shared that slow dance during Will's and Christina's wedding her mind often drifted to him. She couldn't deny that she was attracted to him or that she often fantasized how it would be like to be with him. She even had a few wet dreams involving the tall, blue eyed man. She wasn't unhappy when she was with other men, not per se, and she didn't think much about Tobias when she was with someone, but even then he crossed her mind.

"Did you ever think that the reason why you keep fantasizing about him is because you see him as an ideal, like something you made up in your mind and think is good?" Johanna asked. Tris remained silent for a while, thinking of the question.

"No. I mean I always thought that he looked handsome and he is smart and funny, but I never really talked to him, you know like to an equal," Tris said.

"What do you mean equal?" Johanna inquires curiously.

"I mean, our relationship was always the same. He is the older brother of my best friend and six years older than me. He only talked to me during family gatherings and other than that he kept to himself or talked to people his own age or close in age, like my older siblings. I, on the other hand, always talked to my friends. We were always different or at least that's what I thought," Tris explained.

"Could you elaborate that last part?"

"Well, I was always into music and he was more, how shall I say it, technical. He liked computers and not just software but building them out of scratch. I always knew he was smart, but I never thought of him as creative or sensitive."