Bad Poetry You probably never want to read

Nintendo Fan Boy

You call me a Nintendo Fan Boy

Just because I love the N64

The SNES, Gamecube and Wii

It's all one nostalgic tour

You're part of the crowd with your X-Box

You have no hope with a PS4

It's all real world games but not fantasy

Which turns you into quite a bore

You think you're cool with your realism

But I'm driving down Rainbow Road

You think you're cool with that latest skin

But I'm tracking treasure with Toad

You think you're great with that assault rifle

But I'm dress up like Tanooki

You think you're fantastic with that lucky head shot

But beating Bowser isn't so flukey

You think you're cool shouting in your headset

Whereas in Hyrule I'm not online

You think you're hard done by with all that lag

But soon the Triforce will be mine

Whilst you lose to little kids around the world

I'm inking them with splats so blue

And whilst you do another rage quit

I've levelled up my Mewtwo

Whilst you listen to bad backing tracks

I've got K.K. Slider's one man band

You seem to be scared of ghosts in games

But I've got a Poltergust 5000

You just consume pre-made maps

Whilst I make Mario levels

When you cry at what you've spent

In all my friends creations I can revel

Is that a traditional tennis game?

What it has no ultra smash?

You just play with the standard old pros

Whilst I let my amiibo have a bash

And when those characters annoy you

Because you think they're cheating

I'll just plug in Smash Bros.

And give them a really good beating

You say you don't like our graphics

But we don't want your game play

You can keep a man with a gun

I'd rather have Bayonetta any day

So we don't have PES or FIFA

Now that's a little annoying

But with Tom Nook I can build a nice house

Rather than all of this destroying

Well Fallout 4 does look quite good

But Pikmin are blue, white and red

Lara Croft does dress quite nicely

But they've got flowers on their head

I don't want your silly grenades

Because I have a master sword

I'd rather show skill with my hookshot or bow

Just blowing things up makes me bored

I think it's you that is sad and not me

When on Grand Theft Auto you steal cars

You think you've grown up all big and tough

When, like me, you used to collect stars

Oh look at that avatar you have now

It almost looks like a Mii

I would jump on my high horse

But instead I'll get on Yoshi

You may have stolen some of our Monkey Balls

But I've got a whole family of Kongs

Keep your Singstar rhythms and instead

Let's get our bongo out and sing songs

You think Solid Snake is so hard

But Gannondorf would take him down

Then Impa and Link would have to save him

So he could turn around that frown

What am I saying? I really want Battlefront

Let's put this argument to an end

We will give you Zelda for The Last of Us

And then we can just be friends

So come and play on the Wii U

It's a party gamer's delight

I'll be Luigi and you can be Mario

Then we will have one smashing fight