Don't Let Me Go

I've Gone Insane

I squint my eyes against the bright ceiling lights above me. Apparently Scott saw my face so a few seconds later the light dimmed and I could thankfully see.

"How do you feel?" Scott said in the chair next to me. 

I sit up and realize that when Scott held my hand he was taking away my pain. His black veins reminded me of why I was still here today. Why through everything I have been through in my family and with me, I was still her standing strong. It was Scott. I couldn't have made it through the past few months without him. I couldn't even imagine trying. It was too painful. Seeing those black veins on his arm wasn't as simple as him taking away my pain. No it meant that even after I hurt him countless times he was still willing to take my pain rather than to cause me more. I still couldn't wrap my head around the fact he never left me even when I tried to push him away.

"You don't have to that." I whispered

"Yes I do. It's the least I could do after not being there that night. We wouldn't be here if I had just been there that night." Scott stated looking at me with tears in his eyes.

"Scott... You know who I blame for that night? It used to be me. I believed for the longest time it was my fault. I was the stupid one that drank so much lemonade and didn't go to the bathroom until she was bursting. I told you to stay eating and left my phone with you. But I don't blame myself anymore. It wasn't my fault because I couldn' t have known how those little decisions would change so much. You didn't either. The only people who are responsible for it are the men who did this to me Scott. They did this not you, not me, them."

"I almost did last night." He replied looking down at his hands.

"But you didn't. That wasn't you Scott. I knew from your eyes that you weren't yourself. You're getting better Scott it won't happen again. I woke up a while ago but I kept sleeping after I heard you laughing with your mom. I hadn't heard that laugh in the longest time. I was content listening to you talk I didn't want to interrupt. Scott let's just forget everything that's happened before this moment. Everything.'

Scott wiped the tears off his face, "You're right. Ever since I found about how horrible these men were... the.. thing inside me has been going away. What I did wasn't right but if I hadn't done it there would be other girls in hospital rooms just like you right now and who's to say they wouldn't pick another little girl or someone who didn't have anyone to go to for help."

He was right I-

I gasped. The pain was back but not as sharp as before. It was tolerable. I looked up and realized that as soon as I had sucked in a breath Scott had put his arm on my stomach. His face was scrunched up in pain as he kept taking away my pain until it went away. All I felt was a slight ache because of Scott.

"Thank you." I whispered

Scott leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, "Because I love you." 

I smiled up at him, "I love you to the moon and back."

Just as Scott was leaning in again, Dr. Fink came in the room.

"Oh good! You're awake! I have some good news to share!" He said in a cheerful tone.

I saw Scott visibly sigh in relief, "What has been causing this?" Scott asked.

"Well after we ran all the blood tests and everything else came up normal. There's nothing physical wrong with her. We thought it was possibly a miscarriage but it wasn't that either so I sat there thinking and realized a common factor. You told me you were in the kitchen watching the news and then in the waiting room she was watching the news as well. I looked up what was in the news today and I realized the pain she's having is psychological. It's common in trauma victims to experience physical pain because of a psychological reason. The rapists story on the news brought back memories even if it wasn't necessarily about her. The mind creates this physical pain but there's nothing to worry about." 

"So.. what do I do?" I asked still a bit confused. Go figure it was all in my head. Good job Allison now you've really gone insane.

"Nothing. Usually just the fact of knowing it's all in the patient's head makes it stop. Of course avoid the news and any reminders for now but physically you're good to go! I've already signed your release papers. The transporter will be here in about fifteen minutes to escort you out. I hope to not see you soon." He laughed.

Scott sat back down next to me, "Thank god. I was so scared it was something else."

"Let's not think about that. I'm alright and that's all that matters."

I reached over and pulled Scott's face to mine. We kissed like we hadn't kissed in years. I think we had both been holding a breath we didn't realize we were holding. Now all we needed was the comfort of each other's presence.