Don't Let Me Go

I Don't Deserve You

I sighed as I inhaled the scent of Stiles pillow. Don't judge me, he and Scott use the same cologne plus Stiles bed was just so cozy.

"Scott can you say something. We've been absolutely quiet for the past hour except when you needed to ask me something." Stiles sighed.

'I'm sorry... It was hard. To see you kissing Allison... then she kissed back and now I don't know... Maybe... maybe she wants to be with you now."  

Oh my god. Really Scott? It was just a kiss. Yeah it was pretty intense but that didn't mean I wanted to be with Stiles. Even if I did I could never do that to him.

"I highly doubt that man. She looks at you the way I look at Lydia. I know that look. She's so in love with you that you can literally do anything and she'll still love you."

"But maybe you're better for her! You... you don't know what I've done." Scott said softly. I didn't want to move so that he wouldn't know I was up. Scott was still guilty about the other night. He was wrong though. I couldn't live without Scott and I was selfish to have thought he could.

"What happened? Scott I know you're still mad at me for not telling you about my babysitter but I'm still your best friend." 

Scott took a deep breath, "You know how yesterday I ran out of here after I heard that phone call... I went to Allison's house... I don't really know what happened to me... Learning more about the men I had killed did something to my head... I-I went to Allison's house... I know what was going through my head... I almost made her sleep with me... She had to yell at me for me to snap out of it... And... and then today I almost.. I love her so much I just... I want what's best f-for her and if it's being with you then... I'll let her."

I wanted to sit up and yell at Scott for even thinking that was a possibility. He still after all this time still thought he was going to lose me one day. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him and how I would never ever even think of leaving him. Yes me and Stiles had a moment but that was nothing compared for the love I had for Scott. I guess lately I haven't really been his girlfriend but was acting more like the little sister who needed someone to be there for her. Yikes. I needed to remind him that we were a couple.

"Scott. Don't.... don't think like that. You know she loves you."

"Yeah well she told you she was so attached to me because I was the only one who understood?! I mean that doesn't really sound like she's been with me because she loves me."

Oh thanks Scott. That's real nice. Ugh why did Scott have to over complicate it. Of course I loved him!

"She was crazy glued to your side before any of this happened! Scott,  she followed us to the middle of freaking nowhere to make sure you were okay! You guys were still broken up then! And six months ago both of you were making me sick holding hands at school and planning all those cute dates. Allison didn't fall out of love if anything she'll never let you go now."

Thank you Stiles for having a little common sense! I felt bad for Scott but at the same time he needed a wake up call. I couldn't stand one more second of this.

I sat up, "Hey Scott I love you. Only you. I'm sorry I've been a wreck and a terrible girlfriend who's depressing to be around. Please stop worrying that I'm going to leave you fro Stiles or even Isaac. I haven't even considered it! I love you and only you. Yes I've depended on you these past few months because you're not only my boyfriend but also my best friend. Please just believe me. I want you and only you."

Scott looked up at my wide eyes. Apparently he hadn't thought I was listening in.

"Stiles is better for you than I am anyways."

"No offense to Stiles but he's a brother to me. Yeah we kissed but only after you told him too and I wasn't thinking clearly. Don't let one kiss erase everything we have.'

Scott walked up to me and caressed my cheek with his thumb. He sat down next to and whispered, "I'm sorry. Everything just has been happening all at once. It feels like I can't catch a break."

It was true. I felt bad for Scott. He had so much weight on his shoulders and I was only adding to it. Maybe I was the one who wasn't good for Scott. Maybe Scott should be the one to leave me. I just made it worse for Scott. He probably hated me. If it wasn't for me he'd be living an amazing life worrying about his next lacrosse game and getting good grades. Scott didn't deserve a girlfriend like me. He was wrong. It wasn't me who deserved better, it was him. I wanted Scott to have a girlfriend that he could be happy around. I wasn't her anymore.

I look down at my hands as tears begin to stream down my face, "Scott I don't deserve you."