Don't Let Me Go

Blank Stare

"So it's true. Y-You've been with Stiles." Scott choked out. 

I can't move. I can't face him. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't supposed to happen at all. None of this should be happening. I shouldn't be standing here about to tell Scott that I had cheated on him. I had cheated on him with his best friend. What was I thinking? I had ruined the best thing in my life. How could I get better now? Without Scott I don't think I could. As with everything else in my life, I realized all of this when it was too late. I'd probably stood there for two minutes before Scott broke the silence.

"Look at me!" Scott growls.

I force myself to turn around and face my mistake. This was all my fault. I expected Scott to look upset ot have tears streaming down his face but he didn't. His face gave off no emotion which scared me more. I see my dad's car pulling out of the driveway. I can barely register my hatred for him for what he did because all I could think about was Scott and his blank face.

"Is it true?" He asks. There's no anger or sadness in his voice. The grief and frustration in his voice just minutes ago was gone. He's told me a million times that without me he was nothing. I just never realized he was telling the truth. The Scott in front of me had been shattered far beyond repair. I had ruined the beautiful soul inside of him. 

"Yes." I whisper.

If it was possible for him to look anymore defeated then that's what he did. He sunk to the floor and sat on the pavement. His legs not being able to hold him any longer.

"Why?" He says as he puts his head between his knees.

"Scott.." I choked out.

What was I supposed to say? That I regretted it? He would never believe me. He already thought Stiles was better for me than he was. How could I convince him now? He would just think I was lying. He could never trust me not go off with Stiles anymore.

"Allison. I need to know why."

"I can't Scott I-" I felt tears running down my cheeks.

"Please." Scott stated flatly.

"It was easy. No pressure. But I don't love him Scott I love you-"

"But you could."

"What?" I ask. What the hell was he saying.

His eyes shoot up to mine, "You could love Stiles. You could fall in love with him. It wouldn't be hard." 

"But Scott I-"

"Allison. You wouldn't have done what you did with Stiles if you didn't love him or were falling in love with him. I know you." 

"Scott I didn't-" 

My words are interrupted by Stiles opening the door... in his boxers. Oh my god this looked so bad. Fuck you Stiles. Why did he always want to be in just his boxers?

"I hope he makes you happy Allison. I really do." Scott says with no emotion whatsoever. 

"Scott please!" 

But it was too late. He was already running down the street and even if I followed him I knew he wouldn't talk to me. I had messed this all up. I lost Scott. 

Stiles pulls me into my arms and I let myself be comforted by his touch even though it's what started everything in the first place. I cry into his shoulders as he tries to keep me standing. My legs felt like they were going to give out. This was too much. 

Everyone knew I had been raped.

I lost Scott.

Could I trust Stiles?

"Stiles, I'm going to go home." 

He nods. Neither of us say anything as I get into my car. There were no words that could fix this. Not this time. I wish I knew what my father told Scott. Whatever it was made him lose the will to do anything. He had no emotion as if he never could never feel anything again. My father didn't just tell him we had kissed. I knew he had done something else.

I get home and refuse to give into my father's questions. I silently march past him and into my room. I needed music. I had ruined everything. If I let myself think about Scott I would shrivel up and never come out of my room again. I put my iPod on the dock and throw myself on my bed once I put it on shuffle.

The chords of Don't You Ever Forget About Me by Sleeping With Sirens come out of the speakers. I hadn't heard that song in such a long time. Once the lyrics start it feels like a punch to the heart, "...after all the time I shared with you it seems unfair to leave with nothing more than blank stares... but I'll do it... If its for the best then I wish you well. If it helps to think our life was living hell well then do it.."

I jump off the bed and frantically try to skip the song. I sigh in relief as the torturous lyrics end...only to start again. Dear Darlin' by Olly Murs comes on and I groan skipping it. I couldn't with that song not now. Fix You by Coldplay... Was shuffle mocking me? Skip. Shake It Off by Florence and the Machine. That's probably the first time I've skipped it. Ever. All it did was remind me of Scott right now.

"I need your love. I need your time. When everything's wrong you make it right." Ellie Goulding, not right now. Skip. 

"When life leaves you high and dry. I'll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help... I'll shut down the city lights, I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bride to make you well, to make you well... When enemies are at your door I'll carry you away from your door I'll carry you away from war if-" I couldn't help but replace Philip Philips's voice with Scott's and the result was agonizing. I could imagine him singing that to me. Not looking anywhere but my eyes and the look of concentration on his face as he tried not to mess up a chord. His eyes would maybe spill a tear or two and once he finished he would press his lips softly to mine and...

Skip. Skip. Skip. That song was not helping at all. My god Allison. Did I only have love songs on here? Soldier by Gavin DeGraw starts to play. Not technically a love song but Scott had dedicated it to me a few months ago. This was not okay. Why was every son about Scott in here?? 

Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran. Ouch. Skipping that one even hurt. Cry With You by Hunter Hayes. Oh hell no. I only had to hear the first few words before I hit the skip arrow about thirty-seven times. An I Have Nothing cover comes on and that's when I feel like the universe is really enjoying this taunting thing. 

"Same bed but it feels a little but bigger now... Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same.... When our friends talk about you, all it does is year me down.... 'cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name.. It all just sound like ooooh... Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize that I should've bought you flowers and held your hand.."

Scott's last words come to mind, "I hope he makes you happy Allison. I really do." 

The song echoes my thoughts, "I hope he buys you flowers. I hope he holds your hand. Gives you all his hours when he has the chance.."

I can't stand it anymore. I rip my iPod from the dock and throw it against the wall. I don't flinch as I hear the screen cracking. It hurt a lot less then listening one more damn song that made me think of Scott and the blank look on his face as he walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~

Just a quick thank you to those who vote and comment! It means a lot to me so please keep commenting and voting! I reply to everyone! I love y'all

By the way the music in this chapter is usualy what I listen to as I write so there ya go! There's a few songs I left out but essentially Don't You Ever Forget About Me, Shake It Out and Fix You are my main go-to songs.