Don't Let Me Go

I don't think I can

I'd like to start the chapter by apologizing for the fact I haven't updated in weeks. I've been going through a lot and I know that sounds like a terrible excuse but I'm not going to list my personal problems on here. Anyways! Thank you to all the readers who have asked me to keep writing because if no one read this I probably wouldn't write it. Shout out especially to Lindsay and Peyton whom without this fanfiction would not even exist past the first chapter. My heart wasn't in Don't Let Me Go because of a stupid argument and everything else going on so I hope I can make up for that with this chapter :) 

Love Always,

Jess

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Allison's POV

I couldn't even cry anymore. I wanted to keep crying but the tears just wouldn't come. How could I hurt Scott this way? Was I really that awful of a person? I keep blaming everything on the fact I was raped but this was me. I hurt Scott.  I kissed Stiles. I ruined everything. 

I stand up from the corner of the wall I'd been punching for the past hour and take a deep breath. I lost Scott. He was not going to be a part of my life anymore. I had to accept that. Maybe he'd find someone who'd make him happy. He deserved more than me.  Stiles... Poor Stiles. Because of me he lost his best friend. He probably never wants to see me either. 

I only had Lydia left but it didn't feel like much. This is why I hate moving around. Losing friendships. I let myself get too close to Scott. How could I live without him? I would never be able to love someone like he loved me. When Stiles just reached for my jeans I froze and all I could think about where those men. The hands holding my arms turned into the ones with the grimy finger nails stained with blood. His innocent eyes turned into the frightening black Dave's held when his pupils dilated all the way. Stiles turned into one of those men. 

My mind created this monster. Scott was the only one who didn't make those memories come back. When Romel stroked my cheek all I could think was when those men first cornered me against the wall. When the stroked my cheek and called me baby and promised it'd only hurt just a little. It was the same reason I still flinched sometimes when Scott brushed his fingers against my cheek.

Was it possible that Scott was the only one my body will trust? It seems crazy. There's no way he could be the one I'm supposed to be spending my life with. We're just teenagers. But... picturing a future without Scott in it is one I can't even imagine. Scott is my future.

He'll never forgive me for this. He'll never believe I'm being sincere. I know that he'll think that I  still want to be with Stiles. 

My phone vibrates to look at a message from Stiles- "SCOTT THINKS WE SLEPT TOGETHER AND HE'S IN THE PRESERVE. FIND HIM." 

"W-What?! How co- But-" I think outloud. 

Why would he even think that?? He knows more than anyone how hard it is for me to even be with him in that way! I could not sleep with Stiles. He should know that. He's o- 

My. Father. 

The sudden realization dawned on me that it was my father who drove him to Stiles house. It was him. He didn't tell him we just kissed. Oh. Oh God.

I needed to find Scott. Now.

I pull on some jeans and don't even bother checking my face in the mirror. I knew I looked like a wreck so there was no need to confirm it. If Scott was in the preserve then he was probably at our secret spot. At least I hoped so. If he wasn't...then I'd have no way to find him. He probably wouldn't come to me if I yelled his name.

~~~~ 

I try to keep my steps as light as I can hoping Scott won't be paying too much attention to the sounds around him. If he heard me coming then he definitely would leave and never look back.

I hadn't even thought of what I was going to say. What would you even say in this type of situation? 'Hey umm I know I shattered your heart in a million pieces but I just dropped by to say I didn't sleep with you best friend and oh I know for a fact I can't live without you.'

That surely would not work out well. I considered turning around about fifty times since I got here but Scott deserved to at least know I hadn't been with Stiles in that way. I also just needed an excuse to see him. I needed to know if he was just as broken about this as me. I could be wrong. He might be okay with it....

Okay Allison. He is definitely not okay with this. I really needed Scott. My head was a mess of thoughts without him to make sense of it. Though I hate admitting it, I really have depended on Scott for the past few months for everything. 

My fingers inch their way to the locket in habit. I still could not believe he tracked down the locket. It was the little things like these that made Scott perfect. My nerves definitely agreed considering I got immediately calm once my fingers were wrapped around the warm metal and my ears heard the familiar clicks of the clasp.

I step into the clearing where me and Scott have met what seems like hundreds of times. My eyes scan the area and my spirit diminishes when I don't see the familiar figure. I feel like just dropping to the floor right there. Right as I was about to give up I spot Scott. He's at the edge of the small cliff... He's way to close to the edge...

He takes a step...

"SCOTT!" I scream as loud as I could and my ears pop as the echos return my cry of pure agony as I watched the love of life take a step into oblivion.

He freezes. I let go of a breath I didn't realize I was holding and run towards him. His blank stare follows me as I near him and pull him as far away from the edge as I can.

'Why a-are you here? You just ruin my life over and over a-again." Scott voice is void of any emotion. 

His words feel like someone stuffed shards of dry ice into my heart. He was right.

"I just came here to tell you I didn't sleep with Stiles. I couldn't." I whispered as I turn around to leave before I lost it again right here in front of Scott.

His arm wraps around mine but he doesn't pull me towards him. 

"Did you... was it that night?" He whispers just as softly I did.

"Yeah but worse. It was like it was one of them on me and not Stiles."

"So you wanted to? He was on you?" Scott chokes out.

"It wasn't like that.. No. It just sort of happened. I'm so sorry Scott. I love you not him."

"H-How could I know y-you're not just lying. Stiles could make you happy."

"No."

"Yes."

"Scott! The more he tried to touch me the more his hands turned into the ones from that night! I saw him as Dave! He turned into Dave! I have never been so scared since that  stupid night! I pushed him away and I realized that no one will ever be able to love me that way you do and I'm sorry that I was just too dumb and naive to realize that! We are the most horrible couple there is because we just keep hurting each other and yet we forgive each other each time even when we shouldn't. I would rather argue with you for the rest of my life then not wake up next to you!" 

Scott says nothing as I turn around to look at his face. He doesn't give off any emotion. He looks empty. Maybe I had finally pushed Scott away. It was too late. 

"I want to forgive you... But I don't think I can." Scott whispers as he turns away from me.