Don't Let Me Go

Rumors

I feel like I've been living in somebody else's body. It wasn't me who flinched when anyone other than Scott touched me. It wasn't me that punched Stile's in the face when he came up behind me and wrapped me in a bear hug... and definitely wasn't Scott who let me punch him.

My dad put me in therapy the week we got back. I couldn't talk without Scott being at my side. I was paralyzed without him. I was searching for anyone I could talk to who understood. Scott wasn't the one who was on the pavement that night. I was going to explode from holding this all in. Scott did the best he could but he could only do so much. 

It had been nearly two weeks since it happened. Rumors circulated around the school, everyone trying to figure out what had caused the bruises on the places I couldn't hide. Scott got detention for punching a kid who suggested Scott was the one who caused them. No one got it right. I didn't want them to anyways. I was glad that no one knew so that they didn't treat me like a victim. 

Lydia kept wanting to talk to me though. I didn't know why but she was so intent on it being private. We agreed to talk today after school. I was going to go over to her house. I was going to bring Scott but she told me I wasn't always going to have him to save me. I knew it was true but that night hadn't just changed me it changed Scott too. I didn't really know what happened in the time between Scott finding me and him carrying me to the hospital. All I knew was that he intended to never leave me be out and about alone. I knew it sounded suffocating but I just couldn't imagine what he must have felt like.

Lydia dragged me to her room as soon as got to her house. I had to remind her about my fractured rib which made it hurt when I moved too fast. She barely slowed down but thankfully we had arrived at her perfect room. She slammed the door shut and turned around to face me.

She took a deep breath, "Allison were you raped?"

I took in a sharp breath. How did she know? I'd been so careful-

"I was too." Lydia whispered looking down

'What?!" I was absolutely shocked.

"It happened about three years ago. I was fourteen. I didn't have anyone to talk to either and look at the mess I am today, fucking guys as a distraction."

I couldn't breathe. I could finally talk to someone who understood it. I poured everything to her. I told her about how it happened and how it happened. She was the only person who didn't flinch or pat me in the back. I told her things I hadn't told anybody not even Scott. Lydia was there for me. She got it. Talking about it changed everything. It wasn't this thing that I kept inside so I wouldn't hurt Scott. He didn't want to know the details but I just coudn't ignore it.

Me and Lydia talked for hours. She told me about when she was fourteen and why she is the way today. She realized what had happened to me the day I freaked out with Stiles. She wasn't sure but she had a strong feeling. She was there for me because no one was there for her. 

I ended up texting Scott I was staying over Lydia's. It was different feeling like I wasn't being looked at like a ticking time bomb. Lydia couldn't take away the memories but she could help me forget. It was then I began to gain hope. No I was never going to be the same but maybe I would get through this.