smoke I gracy I ✔️

*3*

I don't like this school one bit. Why do you ask? Lemme tell ya. First off, it was the episode in homeroom and now rumors about my personal life! This is ridiculous! The students there are rude and bitter. The teachers that work there are completely bonkers. I jostle my cold, almost frozen hand inside the openings of my jacket. This leather jacket is Zach's, but I had forgotten to hand it back to him. Have I mentioned that of the rumors was about me and Zach? One girl had asked me why I had his jacket. Another girl even came up to me and questioned if me Zach and I were dating. By the end of the day, I had only learned that people jump to conclusions too quickly. I sighed and lightly shake my head. The crossing guard signals me to cross the street and I obey. I go back to my thoughts. The only people who seem to be sane are Zach and Bee. I finally get to my house and I walk up the steps. I reach into my backpack for my keys. I take them out when I eventually get a hold of them and unlock the door.

I breathe in the scent of what smells to be lasagna.

Home sweet home.

I'm sitting on my bed staring at the razors in front of me. While I was unpacking my clothes, I had found my secret stash of sharp blades and instantly found relief. Back in the orphanage, I would cut. I used to feel like my life had depended on them. To feel the cold point of the razor on my wrist, cutting away my depressed emotions. Think about how I'd survive without cutting in the future. I know it's not good for me, but it's intoxicating. I can't stop. Nobody knew about this except for Devon. He once walked in on me cutting. I felt bad because I might have scarred his entire life. While Devon was trying to comfort me, I was kicking and sobbing. I could remember that scenario so clearly. Thinking about this made me want to cut again. I gently picked the transparent box and placed it inside of one of the drawers of my dresser and covered it with clothes. Just in case. I don't want to see them ever again. I had vowed myself that I had to stop cutting. It's been so long. I can't afford to break another promise to myself like the other ones. Yet again, promises are too much for me. For the rest of the day, I tried to keep my mind off of the razors and went back into organizing my room. Maybe I should get a job. I can't keep depending on Liam and Anne. They work hard enough.

Tomorrow is yet another dreadful day for me. I frown and look up at the dark ceiling. I should be sleeping, but my mind refuses to cooperate. My mind rolls back to Zach. Zach is nice, I guess. It's just the first day and he's already lent me his jacket and talked to me when I needed someone. He even offered to exchange numbers so I could text him whenever I needed someone to talk to. I don't let people in so easily. Then why do I feel so safe around Zach?