Death Sounds Like A Melody (Merome)

Chapter 22 - My Past and Silhouettes

Do I even need to give you guys a trigger warning anymore?

Jerome's POV

It's Mitch's birthday today.

It's almost been a month with no sign of Mitch. The police have found jack shit. The police these days are hopeless though. They don't really care. All they care about is getting paid. But myself on the other hand, have not stopped. I've been searching for Mitch the entire time. And yet, my efforts have ceased to uncover any new evidence that could possibly lead to his location.

School has been a nightmare.  Everyone knows due to the media. Fuck you news reporters. Everyone just looks at me with sympathy as I just look through them. None of them matter. Also my old group of friends have been locked up for a couple months and kicked out of this school. They deserve it though. So that means that there is going to be a whole new recruitment of jocks. Yay!

The others and I have lost our spark of hope. That flame that once danced through the night is now lost in the darkness.  Everyone has noticed, and people have tried to confront me, But I just ignore them. I've literally been living on Preston's and Rob's couch. They won't let me go back home alone in case I do something stupid. I know that they are just trying to be good friends, but it can be a little annoying at times. I just want to be alone.

It's not like my parents care anyway, they are drug dealers.

All of these thoughts hit me, making me shudder in sadness. I need relief, like bad. I've felt this way for an entire month. I think I can understand how Mitch has been feeling now. My heart feels empty, like something is missing. I know something isn't right, and it hurts. If I'm to put it into words, it feels like my heart is constantly racing and its like I'm going to throw up. But perhaps something could help...

God dammit, I can't do that. I would just let Mitch down. I can't do that, no, I have to keep strong. But...Mitch isn't here. He seems to find solace in it, perhaps I could too.

I get up from laying down on the couch, startling Preston and rob who are sitting across from me. I haven't moved off this couch or said anything in a long time. I has not slept for a long time either, I just can't get these haunting thoughts out my mind. I don't even bother to notice their existence as I make my way to their bathroom. I rub my eyes as I lock myself in the white tiled room. Am I really about to do this?

I walk up to the sink and look at my horrific reflection. I look like shit. My hair is sticking up, my eyes have big black bags underneath form the lack of sleep, and I am loosing my mussels. I wasn't the most buff person ever, but I sure wasn't skinny. Now, I'm starting to loose it. I have stopped my eating drastically. I have no problem with drinking, but I just...can't swallow the food.

I sigh and open up my bag on the counter. In the bottom, I find the sharp blade. Shakily, I pull it out and examine the light reflecting off the blade. Don't ask why or how I have this.

Why am I even going to do this? If Mitch is alive and we save him, he is going to be so disappointed in me. I can't put Mitch through that, ever. But, there is a high chance that Mitch is dead, and if he is dead, there is nothing stopping me.

I roll up the sleeve of my sweater on my left arm and look at my wrist. I should probably do this on my hips or thighs, but I seriously need relief, like right now.

I place the metal on the flesh just below my vein. I stare at this position I'm in through the mirror, looking in my own eyes. Is this what it's like? Is this what Mitch saw every time he looked in the mirror? A coward? A monster unworthy of love? If I hadn't of even met Mitch, let alone confronted him, he wouldn't be in this situation. If I had just stayed in the football team, Ty wouldn't have come back. If I had just ignored my sexual frustration and just swung with girls, none of this would've happened. If...if I had just confronted Ty, we wouldn't even be in this mess!