A Wolfstar Alphabet

13. Missing Padfoot

Tears streamed down my face as I stood on the front steps of 12 Grimmauld Place, former house of Sirius Black, my bestfriend and lover.

He can't be dead.

Not after James. Not after Lily. Not after Peter's betrayal.

I guess I'm officially the last Maurader standing.

An ugly sob rises out of my throat. I feel hollow without him. I feel like I'm not fully alive without Sirius by my side. I cry loudly, not caring about who sees me.

I was the moon.

He was the stars.

We made the night.

But when the stars go missing and the moon hides away, the night sky is empty and hollow.

I cry even more as I replay the same scene over and over.

We entered the Ministry of Magic to save the children from the sticky situation they got themselves into. Sirius was dueling Lucious when Bellatrix appeared. I lunged for her while yelling a spell, but I was too late as she said the final words, "Avada Kedrava!" and a blast of light escaped her wand.

Harry dived for Sirius as I held him back. I held him back since I knew Sirius wouldn't want James and Lily's son, or anyone for the matter, to die because of remorse over him. But if I wasn't holding him back, I would have dived right in for Sirius without a second's hesitation.

I tried shaking the memory out of my head. Instead I try remembering him happier. I remembered his grin when we accomplished a prank. His frown when the full moon approached. The way his hair fell beautifully as he ran through the corridors.

I was so upset. I think I was jealous of Harry since everyone comforted him. No one thought to comfort me, his bestfriend, his lover.

"Fuck everything," I said silently under my breath as I took a sip of Fire Whiskey.

"One day I'll see you again Padfoot," I mutter into the thin hair as I glug more Fire Whiskey.

Sirius Black was dead. I was not. I would have to spend every day knowing I got to breathe another moment longer than him. I'll have to live knowing that if I was just a tad bit faster, he would be alive at the moment. But he's not.

Sirius Black is dead and I miss him, so, so much.