A Wolfstar Alphabet

18. Remorse

I took a rather large sip of Fire Whisky as I sat at the table. The other order members were around me, quietly drinking out of their own cups.

"Remus, calm down of the Fire Whisky," Molly said calmly as I took another gulp.

"I rather not," I say simply. The more I drink, the less I feel. The less I feel, the less heartbroken I get. It's not easy when your bestfriend and lover dies.

"Remus, think of Harry-" Molly starts again before I cut her off, slamming my cup on the table. The other order members look startled with Molly.

"Think of Harry? Are you kidding me, I've got enough to deal with now, thank you very much," I say bitterly. I didn't mean it, it's just that I lost much more than him.

"Remus, he lost his godfather for heaven's sake!" Tonks pipes in. I roll my eyes.

"And? I lost a bestfriend, and much, much more," I say thinking about Sirius. He was my everything, and now he's gone.

"I know you two were friends in Hogwarts but come on, Harry lost one of his only family members left," Molly says, sticking up for Harry.

"We weren't just friends. We were the Mauraders, me, James, Sirius, and Peter," I said his name distastefully, "had a bond. And besides, Harry didn't spend multiple years with him. He didn't have to suffer when Sirius went to Azkaban. He didn't have to lose a lover because of a old friends mistake. He didn't have to lose his one friend left," I said as everyone looked at me.

"Lover...?" Tonks and Molly asked looking at me wide eyed.

"Did I stutter?" I ask as I drown the rest of my drink and go out the door. No one stops me, no one even calls my name. They know I'm going to go on a rant for a while.

I just need to cool off and get over my broken heart. But if would not take a few days, no. My heart now had a large dog sized hole missing in it left over.

"Not everything perfect can last, people like to destroy what was made to shine," I say to myself thinking of Sirius. Stars shined espiecally bright.

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I cried while writting this. Why do I make myself in pain when I write? Idk.