The Adventures of Prudence Funk and Her Bag of Fish

3-Prudence Goes to the Store

It was a nice Saturday morning. Prudence was enjoying a lovely breakfast of moldy cheese on top of cardboard with a glass of sewage lake water. When she finished her breakfast, she decided to go for a walk. So she grabbed her bag of fish and walked into the city.

Prudence had walked for about 10 minutes when she spotted something on the sidewalk. She bent down to look at it. It was a 20 dollar bill!

Prudence really didn't care about money. She didn't even have any money. But she hadn't had this amount of money for many years. She was happy.

She remembered that money is used to buy stuff. But Prudence didn't really want anything. She had a home, she had clothes, and she had a garbage dump for any additional stuff. So what could she buy?

She walked into a nearby grocery store. She saw a little kid. Prudence thought it would be a great idea to ask him what she should buy with her 20 dollar bill.
"Hey little boy!" Prudence said. "If you had this money, what would you buy with it?"

Prudence's foul stench scared the young child. He screamed. His mother ran for her child. She was mad at Prudence.
"You scared my child, you terrible meanie!" The mother said. Prudence breathed on her.

Prudence's breath was so horrifying, so disgusting, that it made the nose and mouth of the mother shrivel up into nothingness.

Prudence walked away nonchalantly. She looked at items. She didn't know what to purchase.

Then she went to the seafood section. She saw fish and smiled.
"How much is this fish?" She asked an employee.
"8 dollars a pound, ma'am."
Prudence's jaw dropped. "8 dollars? 8 DOLLARS? You gotta to be kidding with me oh how could you sell a fish for so much money that is RIDICULOUS!"
"Calm down, ma'am. It's just the regular price for fresh, good quality fish."

Prudence got defensive. "FRESH GOOD QUALITY FISH?! OH YOU IS SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!" She held up her bag of fish. "THIS HERE IS A BAG OF FISH, K? I DON'T HAVE TO PAY NO 8 DOLLARS A POUND TO GET FISH LIKE THIS OKAY I GO TO THE SEWAGE LAKE AND I GRAB ME SOME NICE, DEAD FISH JUST LIKE YOU GOT AND I THROW 'EM IN MY BAG FOR FREE! I DO IT FOR FREE! IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE 'FRESH' AND 'QUALITY' FISH TO BE GOOD FISH, YOU FEEL ME?! YOU BEST KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BEFORE YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK GOOD FISH IS, YOU GOT ME?!"
"Ma'am, we sell good fish for people to eat-"
"OH I DON'T EAT THIS FISH IN MY BAG ALRIGHT I ADMIRE IT, I CHERISH MY FISH, K? I DON'T GET MY FISH FOR EATING THERE BE PLENTY OF FOOD OUT THERE BESIDES FISH, ALRIGHT?!" She shoved the bag into the employee's face. "HERE, SMELL IT, OKAY? EMBRACE IT!!!"
"Ma'am, stop! I'm going to have to ask you to leave!"

Everyone was staring at Prudence and the employee.

"SMELL IT!!!"
"No! Get out of the store! You're not buying anything!"
Prudence began to violently whack the guy with the bag of fish. She continued this until the guy was unconscious and two employees forced her to leave the store.

Prudence was mad. That employee insulted her, and she didn't even buy anything.

So she went to a convenient store, bought 20 dollars worth of milk, went home and drank milk until she threw up.