The Adventures of Prudence Funk and Her Bag of Fish

25-Prudence Gets an Unwanted Hairdo

One day, Prudence was pooping in a bush and smelling her bag of fish simultaneously. She pulled up her pants and ate an insect before going on a walk through the city.

While on her walk, Prudence saw a not-so-nice beauty salon. Out of curiosity, she looked inside the window, seeing a few people getting haircuts and hair color. It disgusted Prudence like nothing else. She hated that kind of stuff. She proceeded to walk away when she heard a shout. She turned around.

"Wait ma'am! My name is Cassie, and I run this beauty salon! You see, miss, my beauty salon is not doing very well, so I am offering a free hair makeover to first time customers! And since I've never seen your hideous - I mean, BEAUTIFUL face before, I'm assuming you're a new customer! I think you would love a free hairdo for your lovely hair! Would you not?

"CORRECT. I WOULD NOT." Prudence said, and she turned around to walk away.

Suddenly Cassie ran in front of Prudence.

"LISTEN. YOU ARE GOING TO GO INTO MY BEAUTY SALON WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT. I HAVE VERY LITTLE MONEY AND AM 1 MILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT. YOU ARE GOING TO GET A HAIR MAKEOVER. UNDERSTAND?"

Prudence smacked her with her bag of fish. Cassie proceeded to call her employees outside to drag Prudence inside the depths of hell, aka the salon.

Prudence was thrown into a chair and tied to it. Her bag of fish was also taken away from her, leaving Prudence to shake the chair and scream like a young child. She was not happy to be held in a beauty salon against her will, especially without her bag of fish.

"YOU ARE ALSO GOING TO GO ON YELP AND LEAVE A VERY NICE REVIEW. You hear that? A VERY nice review. We currently have pretty bad reviews there, and if you don't leave a good review, BITCH I WILL FIND YOU!" Crazy Cassie said.

Prudence looked about the salon. She saw dust bunnies, cockroaches, and an old French fry on the floor, as well as moldy combs and bottles of hairspray.

"I like your salon!" Prudence said genuinely. After all, she loved disgusting places. It also smelled like manure and dead skunk, which was the disgusting icing on the sickening cake.

"SHUT UP AND LET ME FIX YOUR HAIR AND MAKE IT PRETTY!" Cassie shouted. She was cray.

Cassie tried to brush Prudence's knotty, disgusting hair. Prudence hadn't had a hair cut for a long time. She occasionally would cut her hair using kids scissors every few years when it got in her way of swinging her bag of fish. Needless to say, it looked horrible. She also never brushed her hair because she didn't really give a shit.

After three hours, Cassie managed to get a couple knots out. It was so tiring that Cassie just gave up. She decided to wash Prudence's disgusting hair.

Prudence was tied to a chair with wheels, so Cassie rolled her chair over to the sink. "NOOOOO!!!! LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE YOU BITCH!" Prudence shouted. She hated cleanliness a lot, and she did NOT want clean hair.

Cassie tried to shampoo Prudence's hair. But Prudence's hair was so greasy and disgusting that the shampoo did nothing. Cassie was surprised by this. After an hour, Cassie gave up on washing Prudence's hair.

Cassie rolled Prudence back to the hair cutting station. Cassie grabbed her scissors and prepared to cut Prudence's hair.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Prudence screamed. She was upset. She was so freakin pissed off that she was able to break her right hand through the ropes. Before Cassie could cut her hair, Prudence punched her in the face. Cassie fell down, and Prudence grabbed her scissors and threw them out the window. Prudence grabbed her bag of fish and smacked the ground with it until she broke a whole in the wooden floor. A crowd was watching her through the window outside the salon. Prudence proceeded to whack employees and everything else in the salon, creating holes and distruction everywhere.

Prudence then nonchalantly left the salon and walked home. She dipped her hair in the sewage lake and rubbed sewage and dirt on her hair. A dead fish floated to the top of the lake. Prudence grabbed it and rubbed its dead carcass on her hair. She wanted to make sure that her hair was even more disgusting than it initially was. She was thankful to have access to such disgustingness.

She then went to the library, went on yelp, and left the following three star review:

The salon was so gross it be rel nise I likd it a lot their were bugs n dust it was goood. They try 2 cut ma hare an it was so mene. It mak me sad. I did som damag to the plase but thats ok becuse it deserv it. Also the owner be a bidch.

Prudence then left the library, went home, and smelled her bag of fish.