Cheradine- Lost and found

Chapter 27

Nadine turns her head to look at Cheryl, who’s staring up at the ceiling with a smug smirk on her lips.

They never quite made it to the couch, not three feet away, and Nadine knows she won’t be able to look at the rug that they’re currently lying on in the same way again.

“Can we talk now?” she says, a tight band of tension forming across her stomach.

Cheryl turns onto her side, the smirk edging into a full-fledged smile. The Geordie’s eyes take a slow, deliberate meander down Nadine’s body. “There’s much more enjoyable things I could be doin’ with me mouth, you know.”

“Stop tryin’ to distract me with sex,” Nadine tuts, despite the shiver that Cheryl’s words evoke. “This is important.”

Cheryl tries to school her expression into one of seriousness but the twinkle of mirth in her eyes gives her away. She nods for Nadine to go on and props herself up one elbow. The pose is a bit distracting though because her boobs are on Nadine’s eye level.

So Nadine sits up, her back to the other woman to remove the temptation. “About earlier,” she begins awkwardly, aware of the slight tremble in her voice. “I shouldn’t have tried to rush you into somethin’ you’re obviously not ready for.”

“Nadine...”

She needs to get this out before her resolve crumbles so she forges on. “We’re not on the same page yet, I understand that.” She draws her knees up, hugging them to her chest. “I just want you to know that if you need me to cool off, to step back a bit, I will. If you need space and time, I –“

A soft touch on her back halts Nadine’s words. “Babe, look at us,” Cheryl implores gently.

When Nadine turns back, Cheryl’s on her knees beside her, bathed in a yellow glow from the solitary up-lighter lamp that’s on in the corner. She’s so beautiful, even with damp, mussed hair, that it leaves Nadine struggling to breathe.

“It’s okay,” the Geordie says simply. She moves closer, reaching out to rest her hand on Nadine’s neck, thumb stroking a ceaseless path over her jaw. “It’s okay,” she repeats, more firmly.

Before Nadine can respond to that, Cheryl leans in and kisses her so delicately, with such tenderness and care that it causes Nadine to unravel, losing any last hope she has of hiding the strength of her feelings. When she pulls back, she knows it’s written plainly across her face and she doesn’t flinch away from Cheryl’s intense brown eyes.

This could be disastrous, Nadine realises, but she’s tired of second-guessing herself. She closes the distance, sealing her mouth to Cheryl’s and communicating everything she has in that kiss.

She runs her tongue along the seam of Cheryl’s mouth, parting her lips and whispers haltingly into the tiny space between them, “I’m in love with you.”

***

Those five seemingly innocuous little words hang in the air between them and for a moment Nadine almost convinces herself that Cheryl didn’t hear her because the Geordie doesn’t pull away, not immediately.

Their lips are almost but not quite brushing and when Cheryl does eventually withdraw, Nadine doesn’t know what to make of it. She isn’t sure how to interpret the other woman’s expression either, the way Cheryl’s just staring at her, dark eyes wide and glassy.

Nadine lets out a breath she hasn’t consciously been holding. “Too soon?” she says, attempting a smile that she’s sure must more closely resemble a grimace.

The sudden need to do damage control asserts itself then, although there’s really no graceful way of salvaging this and coming out of it with her dignity intact. “I just needed to tell you,” Nadine says, her throat constricting painfully. “I don’t expect you to say it back.”

Oh, Jesus, just shut up before you make a bigger fool of yourself, she mentally berates herself.

If she hadn’t been so impulsive, if she’d just kept her mouth shut then they’d still be kissing, well on the way to something more, and Cheryl wouldn’t be looking at her like this.

“Sorry,” Nadine adds feebly because she can’t think of anything else to say, any other way to repair the potential damage she’s done.

That one utterance seems to jolt Cheryl out of the daze she’s been in.

“No, don’t,” the Geordie says sharply, brow furrowing. “Don’t apologise.”

The ferocity in Cheryl’s tone, the way her eyes flash, leaves Nadine startled and silent.

When Cheryl speaks again, she seems to have herself back under control. “These past couple of weeks have been like a whirlwind. I’ve barely had time to catch me breath, let alone sort through me feelin’s,” she says slowly, carefully, keeping her eyes levelled with Nadine’s. “Babe, you’re gorgeous and adorable and I fancy the pants off you. I just... I need time to catch up to where you are. do you know what I mean?”

Nadine nods, relief draining through her. It isn’t the rejection she’s been dreading but it’s not exactly the sweeping declaration she was hoping for either -just the honest truth, which is enough to dissipate some of the anxiety she feels.

She bites her lip, a dull flare of hope rising. “So I haven’t put you off then?”

“Put us off?” Cheryl frowns. “Babe, I’m fuckin’ flattered! It’s not every day some sexy Irish woman declares her undyin’ love for us,” the Geordie adds with a wink and a grin, both of which serve to diffuse some of the tension.

Those trademark dimples make an appearance and, ridiculous as it may seem, the mere sight of them makes Nadine feel like things might actually be okay.

Nadine hoists an eyebrow. “Aye, well, that’s a slight exaggeration. Anyway, it may be the last time you hear it for a while,” she says ruefully.

Cheryl reaches for the hand resting beside Nadine’s knee on the rug, allowing their fingers to entwine. “Don’t feel like you have to hold back on us, okay?” Cheryl says solemnly. “I’m used to the adoration, bein’ the nation’s sweetheart, you know.”

It’s a second before Nadine realises Cheryl’s taking the p!ss.

“God, you’re so feckin’ full of yourself,” Nadine says, rolling her eyes but nonetheless amused.

Cheryl waggles her eyebrows suggestively. “I’d rather be full of you.”

“Oh, really? I’m startin’ to think you’re only after me for my body,” Nadine pouts but she can’t maintain the pretence of being offended when Cheryl starts crawling towards her, a determined look in her eyes.

“I do appreciate your mind too,” the Geordie responds. She angles her head and leans in until just a hair’s breadth separates their lips. “It just took us about three years to work out what the hell you were sayin’.”

Nadine’s mouth drops open in protest but her retort is muffled by Cheryl kissing her and pretty soon she forgets what she was going to say anyway.