Cheradine- Lost and found

Chapter 30

That night Nadine lies awake, tossing and turning.

She tries to put the text out of her thoughts but it’s impossible not to keep coming back to it, analysing it from every angle.

On the surface of it there’s nothing ambiguous about the content of the message – friends say ‘love you’ platonically all the time. And that would be fine, nothing to lose any sleep over, except that Cheryl was the one that had freely used the word ‘girlfriend’ earlier.

It was also Cheryl who said she needed more time. That fact hasn’t slipped Nadine’s mind and somehow she doubts that she’s made Cheryl fall in love with her in the space of 24 hours with very little effort expended. Nobody’s that good.

So she’s confused, wondering if she’s just reading too much into it, and frustrated that once more the Geordie’s got Nadine doubting her intentions. Really, she just wants to ring Cheryl up and ask her to explain what the feck she means.

She doesn’t, though, just reads the text for the hundredth time and tries to control the palpitations those casual words cause her.

***

She wakes up sleep-deprived and irritable, not in the best mood for the telephone meeting she has lined up with the record company and her manager in the afternoon.

They’ve collectively been putting pressure on her to return to the US to go into the recording studio and, truth be told, she’s been putting it off. These past couple of weeks her head has been elsewhere, so much so that her solo album has paled into almost insignificance.

It’s entirely the wrong attitude to have, Nadine knows that. The whole point of this break was to allow them to explore other projects separately and, although she doesn’t want a year to pass by with nothing to show for it, she can’t seem to focus her attention away from Cheryl.

The thought of leaving now, of putting thousands of miles between herself and Cheryl again, is anathema to her.

Aye, try explaining that one to the record company...

She knows eventually she’ll have to cave – she’s signed a contract, after all, so there are obligations she has to fulfil – but for now she just wants to buy herself some time.

Her mood has only marginally improved by the time she receives a text from Kimberley. She’d been suffering through the brain-melting morass of morning television up until that point – Homes Under the Hammer had segued into Cash In the Attic and then into Bargain Hunt and, frankly, if she sees another stuffy auction house or some eejit wearing tweed she might scream – so she’s grateful for the distraction.

Hiya, you alright? Let’s do lunch this week and catch up (Sarah told me you have a new mystery man. I want details!) Kimba x

Part of her thinks she should’ve sworn Sarah and Nicola to secrecy because if anyone’s going to see right through this lie, it’s Kim.

The Bradford woman possesses a level of insight so freakishly accurate it’s almost like she’s reading your mind sometimes, never mind that she probably knows Nadine better than anyone else outside of her immediate family, however distant they may have been recently. Which is why Nadine’s been mostly avoiding all contact with Kim since this whole thing with Cheryl began.

Another thing to put off then, she sighs inwardly.

She quickly keys in her response:  Sorry, hun. Got a lot on this week, how about next? N x

She feels a bit guilty when Kim’s succinct reply arrives a few minutes later: OK. Call me soon. x

There have never been any secrets between the band; it’s one of the reasons they’ve survived so long in the industry. Their lasting recipe for success is built on mutual trust and respect (not to mention a strong work ethic) and keeping this from the other girls makes Nadine feel very uneasy.

But as much as she wants to shout it from the rooftops, she has to respect Cheryl’s wishes, even if it means going against her better judgement.