My Nonexistent Love Life

To: Those Who Are Fed Up With Supposed Best Friends. 9/30/11

9/30/11

Hey Nothing, guys. *Nods head with hands in pockets, slouching forward, just like a 'cool' guy does*

So... I decided I was going to take a break from love for a second... HA. Funny, like that's possible. But seriously, like it's KIND of not involving love... kind of. haha

Have you ever wanted to just pound a kid's face in with a hammer, but you can't, because they're your best friend? No? Oh, well you will, don't worry.

It's inevitable.

Frankly, my life sucks right now.

See, I have this friend. Her name.. let's call her Alanna. She's my best friend, I can say. I mean, sometimes she ignores me, and I'm kind of scared of her, sometimes(Which is not what best friends do) and I don't like it.. but whatever.

So Alanna's going out with my best friend... or well, he used to be my best friend. but after this whole thing.. that I'll save for another day, we've been drifting apart.

ANYWAY, Alanna is pretty, to some people.

TIP NUMBER TWENTY ONE-

When I say pretty,... Well, I have high standards for pretty. Okay?

And some people are hard to determine, whether or not they're pretty. So my tip to you is this: I might not think someone is pretty, but that's cause I for some reason have high expectations for someone pretty.

And don't ask me why I keep italisizing the word, pretty I mean.. pretty. Ohhh, I don't like it like that. I like pretty.......

 I'll just end this tip.

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Anyway, ALanna is pretty. We're practically the only ones that are older than ten in my development, since it's fairly new. But then, we just found out that these two guys lived in my neighborhood.

Okay, let me go in time of sequence.

This guy, Kevin, Alanna met him in the summer, and he's a sophmore this year. So apparently, he's oh so hot and yadayada, according to Alanna(Who STILL has a boyfriend...!!!) and blah blah blabbity blah blah.

So I didn't get to meet this kid, but Alanna did, and I had no idea what he looked like. But then.. Okay, one day, I was being a complete idiot, okay?

I was blowing bubbles with my basketball shorts hiked up, over my bellybutton, and tied my hair up like princess laya. We were, stupidly, out in public(Alanna and I) and she was laughing as I turned around in circles and blew half assed bubbles.

Guess who decided to skateboard by us while I was in mid-blow?

"Hey, Kevin!" I heard Alanna shout.

I stopped short. Shit.

TIP NUMBER TWENTY TWO-

Don't EVER. EVER do that, okay?

If you absolutely have to do stupid stuff like that, do it at home, behind closed doors, no hidden cameras, and completely covered windows.

And always shave your legs.

You have no idea who you're going to meet, whether planned or not.

Ms. Experienced, right here, for humiliation, anyway, but nooo, of course not love.

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So yeah, that's the first thing that happened. So Alanna got that guy all to herself.