My Nonexistent Love Life

To: Those Who Are Confused On The Keepers And The Chuckers. 10/3/11

Hello there, my prettys! You, you, you, and oh! Nothing. Can't forget about you, can I.

So ladies and gentleemen!

GUESS WHAT?

I'm going to be talking about love again!

Is that just off the hook or am I just floppin' like a freaking fissssh?

So.. let's move onto something cool, whatta ya say?!

You are now enrolled in the course:

LOVE 101

Now students... take notes.

What, no pencil?

This isn't regular school, people! You get an automatic F!

I'll let you slip THIS TIME. So bring a pencil next time......*Smiles innocently*

WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A PARTNER. (Corny, I know, but I've been thinking about what to call it, and I couldn't exactly think of another one.. like I'm not going to say soulmate like a lovesick drunky or hubby like a clingy wife... no. just.. no.)

I decided I was going to focus on this because I just want to help you guys ou- Hell, I just want to write about it cause it's fun. I ain't gonna lie.

So.. this goes for boys and girls, kay?

Oh, and it's not like someone your marryin that I'm talking about. It's like someone you'd date. Just in case I say like, "When you dump someone....".... hopefully, you won't have to dump your husband or wife. haha...

Let's name this hypothetical "significant other"<--better than partner?.... let's name him/her... Bubba. Okay?

Everybody say hellooo, Bubba!(:

There's a picture of hiM! Right there-----> close to there, I presume.

Yes, Bubba isn't quite sure whether he/she is a male or female.. you can't really tell from the picture, can you? Any gender can have wisps of blonde hair and freakishly huge blue eyes as a baby.

Anyone.

Except me... and probably more than half of the word who are cursed with black or brown eyes and never changing from that.

ANYWAY!

*Clears throat, straightens paper*

NUMBER ONE- Bubba should be someone that you can tolerate for more than a few hours. For God's sake. What are you going to do once Bubba asks or you offer Bubba to move in? How would you ever survive?

NUMBER TWO- Bubba needs to be attractive to you. Who cares whatever the hell other people think about your Bubba? It's you whose going to be loving Bubba and hanging out with Bubba, not them. Hell, they could think Logan Lerman or Megan Fox was really gross looking, but if they ask you out would you turn them down? Um, noooooo!

Unless... you're a girl and as straight as a guitar pick and Megan Fox asks you out.. Vice versa with Logan Lerman.... but other than that, my Number Two stands true!<--RHYME.

NUMBER THREE- I think, well, for me personally, MY Bubba can't have bad manners or weird habits. Like for example. Farting at the first date to prove how comfortable they feel about you is not the ideal thing to do. And by weird habits, I mean like looking to the left every five minutes shouting, "Five!"

Something like that, ya know? That's a no no.

NUMBER FOUR- Bubba should be someone you know is going to last. Who wants a boyfriend or girlfriend that just wants to 'use' you for the night than end it the next morning? Yeah, that's right. NO ONE.