Within My Mind I Suffer

Ellie's Plan

Fawn POV

After paying the taxi driver, I snuck back into the rehab center with Ellie. 

Ellie shuffled her feet as she stood there awkwardly. I knew what she was going to ask, but I kept quite because I didn't want to talk about it.

"Ms, where is Alex?" She asked softly.

"Don't know, don't care." I replied coldly. 

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"Ms, I'm not sure what happened between you two, but I must tell you some things that I learned about you." Ellie began.

"Which are?" I inquired, mentally preparing myself for what she was about to say. 

"Even though I don't know you very well, I don't need to because I'm a very good judge of character. You Ms, are very selfish and stupid." She stated simply. "You're only happy when things go your way. You disregard the feelings of others and always make yourself the victim. You're very stupid for holding on to the past which is why you have become this horrid person. Have you ever thought for even one second that the reason why your mom sent you here, the reason Alex does what he does, and the reason why I am telling you this, is because we all care about you and only want to help you? No, you haven't. That's because you're so wrapped up in this world of yours where you think everyone is against you. You need to stop whatever little game you're playing with Alex now. I'm tired of him getting upset because of you. I'm warning you now, if you don't change yourself soon, you will lose him. Your choice, your move, choose wisely." She said as she turned around and headed towards the door, not even glancing back at me.

I just stood there with my mouth gaped open, baffled. That was not what I was expecting, especially from someone with such an innocent and kind face. But there was no way she was right, right?

I changed into my pijama's and got into my bed, playing over and over again the words that Ellie said. I looked back at today's events and felt myself get a bit embarrassed at my actions. When I remembered the part where I told Alex that I hated him and never wanted to see him again, I felt dread and sadness course throughout me. Ellie was right, I was a horrid person. I felt a few tears slide down my face and I wiped them away. I had no right to cry, if things changed between Alex and me, I would get what I deserved. 

~*~

Alex POV

I parked the bike in the driveway and got off, heading towards the door. I got out my keys and was about to unlock the door, but before I could, it was flung open and my dad stood in front of me, his eyes full of anger. 

"Where the hell have you been?" He demanded. "And what was that noise?" He asked angrily as he pushed me aside and walked towards the driveway. He stopped short when he saw the motorcycle. 

He slowly turned towards me, his face contorted in fury. "Are you racing again?" He asked between clenched teeth. 

"No, I swear I'm no-" I began but was cut off by him. 

"Get out of my sight." He demanded, his voice strained from trying to keep himself under control.

"But I was loo-"

"I SAID GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! I BAILED YOU OUT OF JAIL AND THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME? YOU UNGRATEFUL PIECE OF SHIT." He yelled, releasing all the rage he tried to suppress.

I gritted my teeth as I walked towards the bike. I got on and Adam immediately jumped on behind me, his eyes wide with surprise. 

I turned the bike around on the driveway and before I left, I made sure to leave tire tracks on it as I sped off. I heard my dad cursing behind me and I chuckled to myself. 

"Um, what just happened?" I heard Adam ask from behind me.

"I got kicked out." I simply stated.

"Where are you going to go? I would let you crash at my place, but right now, the temporary apartment my mom and I are living in only has one bedroom and I'm sleeping on an air mattress because I don't want my mom to sleep on the floor. Our furniture hasn't even come yet."

I smiled. "It's okay, Adam. I have a place to go."

~*~

We finally got to the house and I gave the motorcycle back to Adam.

"Sorry this happened, dude." Adam said.

"It's okay, I don't really care." I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

"Alright..." He said uncertainly. "Goodnight then."

I watched him as he left and then I walked towards the house and repeatedly pressed on the door bell.

"Who is it?" A tired and grumpy voice mumbled on the other side of the door. 

"It's me."

The door opened. "Again?" Ellie huffed.

"Yup. Got kicked out." I confirmed as I walked into the house. 

"Well, you know where your room is. I also washed your clothes and put them back in the drawer. Make yourself at home." She said with dry humour.

I laughed. "I have been for at least once a week."

She yawned. "I'm going back to bed." 

"Okay, but don't wake me up tomorrow to go to the rehab center. I think I should let him cool off for a couple of days."

"Mhm." She murmured and went back up stairs to her room.

I smiled and then went and took a shower. When I was done, I plopped onto my bed and quickly fell asleep, exhausted from today's events. 

~*~

Fawn POV

Ellie came like usual and dropped off my breakfast. 

"Is Alex here?" I asked as she was about to leave the room. "I want to talk to him."

She turned towards me. "I'm sorry to say this to you Ms, but Alex doesn't want to see you any time soon. He came to my house last night, exhausted from trying to find you and angry about what you said to him. He said that he was trying to help you, but instead of showing some gratitude, you threw all his good intentions back in his face. He also said that he was done with your selfish ways and that  if you didn't want anything to do with him, then he would happily oblige."

I was immediately filled with dread and I held back tears. 

"I guess my warning came too late." Ellie said sadly, her eyes downcast. "Maybe he'll cool off and then I could convince him to listen to whatever you have to say." She offered, trying to make me feel better. 

I nodded my head. Ellie hugged me and I cried into her shoulder. She rubbed my back soothingly, the way my mom always did when I was upset.

Ellie was right and I deserved this.