Within My Mind I Suffer

The Truth

"Did you honestly think you could fool me?" Ryan asked with a sneer, pushing the gun even further against Dee's head. “I knew it was you all along, Alex.”

Alex noticeably stiffened, making Ryan laugh. “How could I not know my own brother?” He spat in disgust, causing Alex’s eyes to widen in shock.

“Wh-,” Alex began but was cut off by Ryan. “The old bastard still hasn’t told you, has he?” He asked incredulously.

“Told me what!?” Alex yelled, not surprised that his father kept something from him again.

“Never mind.” Ryan said with a twisted smile.

“Tell.Me.What.” Alex growled between clenched teeth, taking a step towards Ryan but stopping when he pushed the gun against Dee’s head again.

Ryan sighed and rolled his eyes. “You really are dimwitted.” 

"I swear to G-" Alex began, grinding his teeth together. He was in no mode to be insulted or play games.

“Chill out. I’ll tell you.” Ryan responded, raising his hand up defensively. “Now, let’s start with the basics.” The malicious smile on his lips caused Alex to suddenly feel queasy. “Your father killed your mother.”

At those words, Alex sucked in a breath that caused him to cough, his chest beginning to burn from the multiple coughs.

“The reason being, that she kept threatening to turn him in to the police if he didn't give you back to her. Even though he kept his other life hidden from her, she still managed to find out because she just had to follow him and snoop around. She thought that he hadn't seen her, but he had. That's when he divorced from her out of the blue.” Ryan paused to take in Alex’s horrified and pained expression, smiling to himself in twisted delight. “That's why he married my mother, so it would seem like the reason he left your mother was because he didn't love her anymore. Which wasn't entirely a lie. They did marry for love, but he slowly started to change. He wasn't the same man she married. My theory is that it started around the time he joined the gang and became the leader. Anyway, that's when he married my mother, but he thought she was starting to be too much of a pain, so he got rid of her like someone would get rid of a piece of trash.” Ryan said the last few words between clenched teeth, obviously seething with rage at the way his father treated his mother. “Anyway,” Ryan began, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, “he was looking for a successor and that is why he wanted to get back with your mother, so he could have you. But when that didn't work, he brought in the social worker. Of course, she had no chance, and when he took you, he got rid of her because she got in the way of his plans. You blamed him for her death, which you had every right to, so he couldn't shape you the way he wanted to because you hated him. That made him furious, causing him to treat you the way he does now. One day though, your father found out that my mother was pregnant with his child, causing him to become ecstatic. Another reason he treated you so badly was because he had me and could shape me to become his successor.” Ryan’s eyes turned dark as he said that, his tone slightly remorseful and hurt. “Also, you reminded him too much of your mother, even after what he did, he still felt a bit of love for her. You became his painful, everyday reminder of what he had done.”

By the end of that, Alex just stood there, emotionless. He didn’t know what to say, or think, or act. “How- how do you know all of this?” Alex finally managed to whisper.

“I listened. I picked up bits and pieces of information and put them together.” Ryan responded, this time, his face was void of all emotion.

“Why don’t you stop doing this?” Ellie suddenly spoke up.

Ryan turned towards her with a confused expression. “What do you mean?” He asked, taken off guard by her question.

“I saw the way you looked when you told us about being his successor. You obviously never wanted this, knowing that he was only using you. So, just stop. We’ll help you get away from this madness.” Ellie responded gently, looking at him with a soft expression.

Ryan let out a loud laugh. “You think I can change now? This is who I am. The way he made me now runs through my veins, it’s no longer an option, it’s a need.”

“No, it’s not.” Ellie protested, crossing her arms. “You’re an intelligent and handsome young man. You have a kind heart, regardless of what you’re doing now. This doesn’t make you happy and you know it, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself. You want, no, you need to be loved because that's all you've ever wanted. And this is getting in the way of that. And you're angry at the world, angry that you got stuck with this life, but most of all, you're angry at yourself for not being strong enough to just leave.”

By the time Ellie finished, all of Ryan’s walls had crumpled down, and all the true emotions he’d been hiding finally showed. He turned towards Alex, his face contorted in rage. “This is why I despise you so much!” He yelled. “You have no idea how much you have! You have so many people that truly care for you while I have a shitty father! You complain about your father not caring, but you have no idea how lucky you are! At least he doesn’t use you, at least he doesn’t threaten to do horrible things to the people you love if you don’t do these repulsive things.” Ryan’s voice cracked on the word repulsive. He dropped Dee and threw the gun against the wall, making it shatter into small pieces.

“Ryan-” Alex began, taking a step towards him, but he was cut off by Ryan.

“NO! Don’t come near me!” Ryan yelled, his chest heaving because he was on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Ryan. Ryan sweetie.” Ellie said, taking short steps towards him. “Please, calm down. It’s okay.” Ellie said in a soothing voice. Ryan yelled at her to go away, but she refused to listen and took more steps until she had him in her arms. Ryan sunk to the ground, pulling Ellie with him. He rested his head against her shoulders and tears slid down his face. Ellie rubbed his back and whispered soothing words, Dee joining them and comforting Ryan to the best of his abilities.

Ellie paused for a moment before looking up at Alex and Fawn. "You two, get on my motorcycle and follow the directions on the screen." She said urgently. “You’re not safe yet.”  

Alex and Fawn nodded and ran to Ellie's bike and hopped on. Alex sped off with one last glance at Ryan, and followed the little GPS attached to Ellie's motorcycle. He had no idea where it was taking him, but he felt himself calm down knowing it was somewhere that would keep Fawn and him safe.  

~*~*~*

A/N: Hey everyone! :) Okay, there are only a few chapters left of this story. I'm kind of sad it's coming to an end, but happy because I'll be completing my very first story. So, I'll get the rest of the story posted as soon as I can. Please vote/comment.