You & I~Muke

-Michael-

I wake up to talking.

It takes a moment for me to understand anything, but I've always loved that moment in life; when you've just awoken and you haven't reached your senses yet, and everything seems calm.

Blissful.

My ears follow the voice and I get to my feet to stop behind the corner.

Dad finishes talking about Emily, and about ray and I guess Luke must've told dad about my nightmare.

"Home isn't a place Luke, it's a person."
And then I walk in.

Two pairs of eyes meet mine, and they both smile at me carefully, happily, and I smile back.

Pulling my sweater further over my wrists, my palms, I sit down next to Luke on one of our wooden chairs.

He immediately joins hands with me, filling my body with warmth, and I smile.

He smiles back.

"Do you want any breakfast, Mike?" I lift up my head from playing with Luke's ringed fingers to see my dad looking at me softly.

I shake my head carefully because I know that's not the answer either of them wants to hear, but he asked me the question so I'm not going to lie.

I don't like lies.

But some how, I still find myself lying all the time; I'm fine. I'm okay. I'm just tired.

The usual.

Dad tries to play off his sigh, and I look down to my lap.

I want to apologise but I don't trust my voice to not shake so I don't speak at all.

"Do you want something when we go out?" I furrow my eyebrows at Luke because I thought we weren't doing anything today as neither us were in the mood but apparently Luke's had a change of plans.

I shrug at the blond boy, and he nods, forcing a smile, because I know he doesn't want to upset me and somehow that upsets me even more.

I get up, and I walk into my bathroom, my hands itching to do something, to scratch my wrists or to cut my fat thighs or to do something, anything to relieve the pain and I'm only about to when a pair of hands grab mine.

Luke hugs me from behind, like he's catching me before I fall apart but it kind of seems like it's already too late.

I've always been a sad person, even before mum left, or before Emily died, and before I was diagnosed with depression, and I was always called weak, and pathetic, and useless wherever I went, just because they had a tendency of telling the truth.

I am weak.

I am sad.

I am pathetic.

And I am useless.

And all I seem to be able to do about it is cry.

I can't hold it together, I can't ever stay strong, and I cant ever do anything but cry cry cry cry cry.

Because I'm a cry baby.

And the worst part about it is the fact that I cant even say why I'm sad.

I don't have a particular reason.

People loose family and friends and best friends all the time and they manage to survive.

They manage to pull through.

But for some reason I can't; I have Luke, I have my dad, I have music and I have ashton and calum and Harry and louis and yeah school could be a little better but I don't get it as bad as other people do so I have nothing to moan about but why do I feel so sad?