You & I~Muke

-Luke-

               

I never wanted any of this.

I never wanted for my parents to hate me.

I never wanted for my sister to commit suicide.

I never wanted to be on anti-depressants and I never wanted to be resented by the school to the point I get beat up.

And I never wanted to Michael to find me like this or his dad either.

I just want to be left alone but with the pain in Michael's broken eyes and the tears rolling down his pale, ashen cheeks, I'm aware that's not going to happen.

"I'm okay, mikey, I really am." I say quietly stepping toward him. He shakes his head and refuses to look me in the eyes and that almost hurts as much as the bruises.

"Please, I'm sorry." I say desperately, and his dad watches with sad eyes, but he doesn't say anything.

"I-I'm such a-a-an i-idiot! H-how did I not n-notice?" Michael says, shaking and shaking his head and I cant do anything because he wont let me and it's driving me nuts.

"Babe, you wouldn't have known! You couldn't have! Please," I step toward him and wrap my arms around his shoulders and he nuzzles his head into my chest, one of the only places that isn't bruised on my body and try not to flinch.

"I'm s-sorry." Sorrow fills his voice. I spare a pitiful look at Daryl over his shoulders, and he mouths that he'll get me some ice or something to help and I nod.

When he's gone, I sit down Michael on his double bed and kiss his head.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Kitten, you know it's not that easy; I didn't want to worry you even more, okay?"

He nods but he doesn't say anything back and that upsets me.

"Okay?" I ask again, this time more sternly.

He nods. "o-okay."

And then I lean close to him, my nose tickling his face as I grin.

"Maybe okay will be our always." I say, struggling to hold my laughter back and even this time the black haired boy giggles too, lifting the air in the room that seemed to lay heavy on our shoulders.

"T-The Fault in O-Our s-stars? R-really?" Michael rolls his eyes, and I nod against his neck.

"Yeah really!" we continue to laugh. "I love that film."

Michael shakes his head and I furrow my eyebrows.

"I d-don't." a pause. "It m-makes me s-s-sad." Another pause. "I h-hate cancer."

He spits out the last word like venom, and my heart falls and so does my stomach and my smile because I hate myself for a second or so.

"I know you do, Mikey." I kiss him on the lips quickly, then I slip my hand into his and pull it to my lips. "I hate it too, but there is so much to be happy about baby- you're birthday's soon." that non-existent smile falls away even further. I regret it immediately but don't bring it up again because I think we've done enough talking for tonight. "And you have Christmas, there's so much to be happy about, just keep smiling please, it's be ashame to waste something as beautiful as that."

I kiss his lips again, this time a little more passionately, I bite his lip which cause him to gasp; I take the opportunity to slip my tongue into his mouth, in which he goes along with.

Michael doesn't have any needs, or anything directly wrong with him; the only thing that affects him is his anxiety and depression, but it does always seem to me that maybe he's a little unaware- which doesn't make sense because at the same time he's too aware of everything, he notices the tiredness in my eyes and the slump of my shoulders or the fade of someone's laugh and the stress lines that slowly increase on someone's face.