You & I~Muke

-Michael-

this chapter is like 3600 words long man, go me!!:))) i really hope you enjoy, and this may have some triggering content, i'm really sorry if you're easily triggered, ilysm! let me know your thoughts on this chapter, i worked pretty hard on it! i'm sorry if it sucks:( 

also, Ray i have decided is going to played by Colten Haynes from Teen Wolf, which i started watching yesterday and i watched 14 episodes in one day oml, but i'm very obsessed, on the top/ side there's going to be a gif of him:)) but that doesn't have to be how you see Ray, it's just a little preference for you if you're struggling with my shitty description skills

also please read the a/n at the end, IMPORTANT MESSAGE:))

 i love you Xx 

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Everything moves in a boring, lagged and painful way.

Every breath of air feels like poison to my body and every single move I make seems to go for a thousand years.

And it seems for a moment that my heart has simply stopped beating; the pain is fleeting yet almost so numb, but somehow, everything still seems to hurt.

It feels as if every bone in my body is broken, as if every muscle is torn and my hands ache and my feet ache and my head is pounding and my back stings, but it's my chest.

My chest is the worst pain.

Right where my heart is, coincidently of course.

My feet feel heavy as I begin to run away, tears already streaming down my face and fuck, this hurts.

This really fucking hurts,

Because,

Man, I really wanted it to be him.

And maybe that's why I'll never find the right guy for me, because I've simply made up someone in my head that no one will ever be.

No one will ever full fill because apparently no one can ever stay loyal.

No one can ever stay with me because, fuck, aren't I such a pain.

Aren't I such an annoying, frustrating and evil person, that everyone has to screw over in the end.

And maybe for a moment it was an adventure; I was cast as the lonely, sad boy and he was cast as the beautiful savoir and everything was good.

It was an adventure because that's how they describe love, isn't it? An adventure where you got lost and found in the night sky or in their eyes but apparently it's all the same thing.

But you want to know what I think love is?

Love is handing someone a gun, letting them point it to your head and believing that they won't pull the trigger.

And Luke didn't pull the trigger.

For so fucking long, his fingers didn't even waver.

But now the guns empty, the bullets in my head, in my heart, I'm falling to the concrete floor and I can't breathe I can't breathe I cant breathe and it could have something to do with the water rising in the room, the water that everyone else seems so annoyingly unaware of.

It takes five years to push everyone out the way and to find the door with my eyes shut and my heart shattering, and it takes another five years until I'm outside, the summer air feeling cold, the night looking darker than ever and my body has never felt so ruined.

Because suddenly the buzz of the party has faded, and the hum and warmth the alcohol brought me disappeared before I could thank the world and repay the universe with teenaged recklessness and rebellion.