You & I~Muke

-Michael-

Read a/n please x (also feel free to vote and comment and that jazz bc it makes me smile real big)

Time passed quickly for the next few weeks; I spent most of it smiling when I was falling apart, and my eyes feeling heavier than normal, and self harm and staying in bed and away from school because I couldn't really be arsed.

And I've always been like this, for the record- even when I was younger.

I would just be so down.

I would spend weeks on end doing nothing, and what I hate the most about myself, is that unlike most people, I can't really hold it together, I don't swallow back the tears and if I try all they do is force they way back up my throat.

I just cry, I don't clench my jaw and wait till I'm home to cry.

I just do it.

I'm like some 5 year old but I'm weaker and I hate myself for that, I just cry cry cry.

I stare at the ceiling as if it's something interesting when it's not because it's just boring and white; empty.

Like me.

I remember after Emily died, sometimes I would close my eyes and pretend I was seeing stars and that she could hear my thoughts when I talked to her and when I apologized and when I told her everything I didn't say because those were my biggest regrets.

I close my eyes and I'm grateful for the absent daylight and the fairy lights around my room that bring me some forms of reassurance seeing I'm scared of darkness.

I haven't done this since the summer, and at that point I didn't have Luke to talk to or ashton or calum or the new school but only my music and my dad and my bed.

I'm about to launch into rhetorical conversation when the door creaks open, and it's Luke. I don't even have to open my eyes to figure this, just because look gives off this feeling, and I notice it straight away; like comfort.

That and my dad's footsteps are like elephants and Luke's are like feathers.

"Hey baby." I cuddle further into the corner of the bed; my bed is double and leaning against the wall facing my door, so when people walk into the room I see it straight away and so when I roll over there's something secure there for me to lean on in the left corner and Luke sleeps on the right also so he can wrap his arms around me and I'll be little spoon and I really love the sleeping arrangements.

I don't say anything back because I don't really want to and I don't really have the energy so I just make half-hearted grabby hands at him.

A smile.

He steps towards the bed, kicking off his converse and he lowers himself onto the bed.

He smells of the cold and he cuddles me.

I let out a shiver when his hands touch me because they're so icy but that does make sense seeing as it's almost November and it's really really cold.

The silence outstretches for a whole, maybe ten minutes, and I proceed to nuzzle my face into his chest because I love him.

"h-h-h-how was s-school?" I question, my stutter worse than normal, and I can tell he notices. He nods lightly, touching my face with the side of his hand.

"It was good." I stare at his lip ring and that makes him smirk. I blush. "How was home?"

He asks me, seeing as I've had most of this week off school.