My Reason [NamJin]

Ch.12

I cried heavily into Namjoon's chest. I just couldn't stop crying. I knew that my 'problem' was only going to get worse, but it was really scaring me now. I didn't even know Namjoon was here trying to calm me. I had destroyed my room in the process of my episode. I had small cuts on my hand from smashing a mirror.

"What's wrong Jin?" Namjoon asked softly. I hiccuped and cleaned away my tears after I pulled away from him. He cupped my cheeks gently and looked into my eyes. 

"M-My episodes are getting w-worse and its starting t-to really s-scare me" I stutter as I hiccuped from crying so hard. Namjoon frowned at me and stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. 

"Episodes? What are you talking about Jin?" Namjoon looked into my eyes. I shook my head and looked down. Namjoon sighed and just hugged me to his chest again. 

"Let's go out somewhere, to clear your head" He whispered to me. I nodded softly and stood up with him. He helped me slip on my jacket and shoes. I held his hand tightly as we walked out of the house. Namjoon slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I blushed lightly and looked down at my feet as we walked. 

Namjoon rubbed my side gently and walked with me. I shyly hugged his waist. He smiled at me and pulled me closer. I blushed more and hid my face into his side.

***

Namjoon somehow managed to get alcohol. Now we were sitting behind some building at the park, drinking away our problems. I chugged some of the liquid from the bottle before giving to back to Namjoon. He took the bottle and drank some. I let out a long burp and sighed after. 

"Jeez Jin" Namjoon chuckled. I shrugged and leaned back against the wall. Namjoon the bottle down. I looked over at him, his eyes slightly drooping. I turned away from him and closed my eyes. I felt him grab my hand gently and squeeze. I smiled softly and opened my eyes to look at Namjoon. He gave me a drunk glazed look. 

"Jin, I have something to tell you" He said softly. I watched him as he scooted closer to me. He held my hand tightly and lifted it up to kiss it. I frowned lightly and continued to watch him. He looked up at me with a serious look, well how serious he could be when he's drunk. 

"You look funny when you try to be serious" I laughed lightly. He rolled his eyes and chuckled. I laughed more and stopped with a sigh. I looked into his eyes, they were a smooth chocolate brown with black around the edges and puple. 

"Jin. I want you to know that, I like you. I don't know how to explain what I feel. It feels like trust? I don't know. I just know that I feel comfortable around you and I could listen to you all day and not stop smiling. I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm drunk. I just want you to know how I feel about you" Namjoon leaned in to me. I froze, not really sure about what to do or say. I gulped and pulled away quickly before our lips met. Namjoon opened his eyes and frowned at me. 

"I-I'm sorry" I stuttered and stood up quickly. 

"Jin!" Namjoon called as I ran off. I stumbled lightly but kept running, the alcohol beginning to slush around in my stomach and make me nauseous. I groaned softly and stopped to take a few breaths. 

"Jin!" Namjoon shouted again. I stood up quickly and began to run home quickly. I ran through my front door and went to my bedroom, locking it behind me. I panted softly and pressed my back to the door and slid down to the floor, putting my head in my hands. I closed my eyes and sighed heavily.