My Reason [NamJin]

Ch. 16

It was dark and I was cold. I couldn't feel Namjoon next to me, and I was scared. My arms were hugged around myself tightly. I rolled my head around, trying to find some source of light. I shivered lightly from the damp coldness surrounding me. I craned my head around, searching for something, anything to give me hints to where I was. There was a blind fold of some sort over my eyes. I wiggled my head around to try and remove it, only to fail. 

I rolled, yelping when I fell onto a cold hard floor. I groaned softly in pain and tried to find a way to sit up. I froze when I heard a door beginning to open. My breath became shaking and ragged as I heard the door creak open. 

"H-Hello?" I asked, voice shaking with fear. The person sighed, footsteps came closer to me. I flinched away from the person. 

"Don't hurt me..please" I begged softly, tears now forming in my eyes. The person carefully picked me up and set me back on the bed. I frowned lightly and moved my head around. What's going on? Whatever was covering my eyes was now removed. I was being faced towards a nurse. She was in all white clothing and white face mask. I stared into her deep brown eyes, silently asking for help. Her eyes met mine and she looked away quickly. 

"Why am I here?" I asked, my voice full of fear. She simply sighed and pulled away with the blindfold. I watched her with wary eyes, afraid she would do something. 

"Are you gonna hurt me?" I asked again. 

"What's with all the questions?" She sneered, her voice laced with ice. It was cold and sharp. I flinched at her cold words and looked down. I gasped when I saw that I saw I was put into a straight jacket. Tears filled my eyes when the memories started to flood back into my brain. Sadness rolled through my body. I blinked away my tears and looked up. The lady was quietly gathering something on the side cart. 

I turned my head, seeing a side table. There was a small vase with a single white lily inside with water. My mind began to wander back to Namjoon. I looked out into the hall, they were empty and quiet. Where is Namjoon? What is this place? What happened to me? 

"It's time to take your pills" She walked up to me, holding a cup half way filled with red and blue pills. I frowned and looked up at her. 

"I need to take all of those?" I looked back into the cup and tried to count how many there were, I gave up after 14. I looked back at her, her eyes glassy and lifeless like a dolls. 

"Yes you need to take all of them. Now open up" She pinched my nose shut, I flinched away. She huffed, grabbing my jaw and opening my mouth and started to pour the pills in. I gagged when they started to fill up at the back of my throat. She poured the water into my mouth before forcing it shut and making me swallow. I coughed loudly when I had finally swallowed the pills. 

She removed the straight jacket from me. I rubbed my arms and sighed softly. I looked at her as she put the jacket on the rack. 

"Your therapy session is soon, I'll take you to the doctor" She helped me stand up. My knees buckled underneath me and I fell onto the floor. She sighed heavily and helped me back up. I grabbed the lily from the vase and followed the lady out. I held the lily to my chest as I looked around at the people. They were all alone in their room, either hugging a pillow or crying into their hands. I looked down at the lily, pondering how I even got it. 

I sat down onto the couch when I entered the room. The doctor sitting in a chair, he had round glasses on. He stared down at a file in his hand. He hummed in thought and put the file down on the side table next to his chair. I looked down at the lily in my hands, I counted its petal while I waited for him to speak. 

"It seems you have schizophrenia. It also seems you have been in a coma like state for nearly a month Mr. Kim" The doctor explained, I simply just nodded and continued to stare down at the lily. The doctor sighed. I peeked at him through my hair, he ran his fingers through his hair; making it slightly messy. I looked back down. 

"How do you feel?" He asked softly, actually sounding like he cared. I looked up from the lily and looked at him with blank eyes, his eyes a soft chocolate brown. I continued to give him a blank look before speaking. 

"Like I'm drowning, but I won't die"