My Reason [NamJin]

Ch. 1

Jin POV-

I panted loudly as I continued to run. The darkness never seemed to end. My footsteps echoed as I ran. I yelped as I tripped and landed in water, causing a large splash. I pushed my body up to the surface, but I wouldn't move. I continued to try and surface from the water. I just continued to sink deeper into the dark water. 

I began to inhale the water, making my lungs ache and sting. I continued to move around, desperate for air. I finally bursted through the surface of the water with a loud gasp. The fresh air met my lungs with a soft but satisfying sting. I panted loudly and began to cough lightly. I turned my head, the dark mist was getting closer by the second. I climbed out of the water and continued to run. 

I didn't seem to be going anywhere as I ran. I seemed to be running in place. I felt the mist approaching me quickly. The darkness was never ending. I cried as the mist approached me quickly. 

"It's time.." It whispered to me. I cried out in fear and fell to the ground as it started to surround me. 

***

I gasped as my eyes shot open, I looked around my dark dank room. I sighed in relief as I sat up slowly. I had that dream again...I rubbed my eyes as I yawned softly. I shook the thought out if my head and laid back down in my bed. I laid in the warmth of my bed for a moment, not wanting to get up from the warmth. I eventually made myself get up to go shower. I didn't look in the mirror beforehand, I knew what I was going to see; and I didn't want to see it. 

I stripped down and slipped into the shower and turned on the water. I didn't care about the cold water that hit me, it woke me up; and cooled my overheated body. I yawned as I waited for the water to heat up. I ignored the stinging in my arms from the hot water. I started to wash my body slowly with my body wash. 

I stepped out of the shower after a bit and wrapped a towel around myself. I went back to my room before anyone saw me and locked the door behind myself. I dried off and got dressed. Just simple skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie. I styled my hair quietly before grabbing my phone, bag, headphones, etc. I slipped out of the house and walked down the street. I put my headphones in and turned on my music. I stared down at my feet as I walked. The cold air stung my warm cheeks, probably making them red. I rubbed my cheeks with my hands, in attempts to ease the slight stinging.

I stopped at the bus stop and waited. My music played a dull beat in my ears. These headphones were complete crap, half the time they barely worked. I sighed as I fixed them. I played with my sweater sleeves. I waited for the bus to come, not awaiting the looks I would be given as I walked inside. Some fearful, some sad, some disgusted, most disinterested looks. I got used to the looks, its what they said that hurt more. Like, freak, weirdo, emo. etc, I sighed and closed my eyes. It's a long and complicated story for why they look at me like that.

I looked down the road as I hugged myself loosely. I saw the headlights of the bus through the light fog. I looked back down and waited to hear the bus stop in front of me. I stepped on once the bus doors open, greeted by a disinterested smile from the driver. I gave a very small smile and made my way to the normal spot in the very back. Ignoring the looks and barely hearing the whispers from my headphones. I sat in the empty seat and sat close to the window. I sat my bag in the empty spot next to me. I stayed quiet during the long and boring ride to the school.

I made my way off the bus behind everyone else. I played with my sleeves and stared at my hands. The bus driver said goodbye to me, I didn't really acknowledge her and just nodded. I stepped off of the bus and quietly made my way to my normal spot behind the school. I ignored all the people insulting me as I made my way back there. Once I was sat down I pulled my book from my bag and started reading. Reading was a good escape for me right now, especially lately. Things have just gotten worse. It occurs more often now, sometimes at school. People don't understand that I cant control it. It happens when it wants and when it pleases. They don't understand anything, I live in constant fear.

I can't hide from my fears, they're always following me. They can attack me whenever they want. My medicine doesn't work anymore. I don't understand how to stay calm when I'm having an attack. I get scared and I start to run. Once I start, I won't stop. I won't stop unless it stops. Which makes me even more scared when it goes on for awhile. Its scary when you don't know what is and isn't real.

I sighed as I looked up from the book. I froze in fear as the images started flashing in my eyes again. More frequent and bright. I hugged the book to my chest. 

It's happening again...

****

A/N~

I decided to upload this earlier because I had more time on my hands today than I thought and decided to write it c:. I hope you enjoy this first chapter of My Reason! <3