That Moment When You Fall In Love With Your Best Friend (Rydellington/R5) HOLD

Chapter 3: Breaking Point

*Rydel's POV*

Eventually everyone woke up. We don't have a show today or tomorrow because today is Christmas Eve and Christmas is tomorrow. I can't believe how fast this year has gone...We've gone on several tours, released an EP, and our first album came out a few months ago. It's insane.

We were staying at a hotel for today, tomorrow, and the next day. After the show on the 26th we would come to the hotel, sleep, and check out at nine a.m. tomorrow. The boys had two rooms to share while mom, Cheryl, and I shared a room.

I messed around on twitter on my phone for a while before climbing into bed and trying to go to sleep.

I stared up at the ceiling of my hotel room. I thought about maybe telling Ratliff how I feel. I fantasized about speaking every damn word glued to my mind, I fantasized that he would tell me loves me and he'd kiss me. I imagined how the family would react when we told them about our endless love. I dreamed about kissing his soft, satin lips. I burst into tears when I opened my eyes to reality.

He just almost kissed me that night in the heat of the moment. It was nothing more. He doesn't love me in a way other than a family way. He wouldn't tell me he loves me if I told him I love him. He wouldn't tangle his fingers in my hair and kiss me like it was our first but last time. He will never love me. I'm just his best girl friend. Not girlfriend, because there's a space between us. And that space will always be my worst nightmare gone real.

I was sobbing by now. I laid on my side in a fetal position, balling my eyes to a point where it hurt to open them. I attempted to keep my hiccups and sniffles and whining to a minimum, but in the end it only woke up mom. She sat on the side of the bed with her arms holding me tight. She kept whispering to me, asking what was wrong, but I couldn't bring myself to words. I just kept crying in my mommy's arms like a little girl.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes it was morning. My mom was laying beside me, her head propped up with her hand. She looked like she only just got to sleep. I carefully tried getting out of bed and went to the bathroom. Cheryl was awake. She was reading a book in bed. She silently waved to me. I returned it and continued to the bathroom. I looked at my face in the mirror. My eyes were still red and puffy. I grabbed my makeup bag and went to work. I put my hair in a bun and looked Christmas-morning casual. In other words, like crap but better than I didn't moments ago. I stayed in my pajamas because I didn't want to bother with changing.

I left my mom to sleep but gestured for Cheryl to help me come and wake up the boys. We tiptoed to their room down the hall and quietly let ourselves in. They were all still sound asleep. Ratliff looked like an angel when he slept. For a split second I almost bent down and kissed his forehead. And I blushed when I realized I had been a tiny bit close to kissing him. Cheryl had been busy with waking up my dad, so she hadn't seen me bending over her son ready to wake him with a kiss. I silently breathed a sigh of relief. One by one, we woke up the boys. We woke up my mom and went downstairs to the bus where our presents were. We all opened our Christmas presents while mom or dad or Cheryl filmed us.

After Christmas morning breakfast in the hotel lobby, everyone went back to the bus, except mom took me back to our room. I knew she would do this. We both sat on our bed, waiting for the other to talk. Finally, she spoke up.

"Delly, about last night..." She began. "Do you remember last night?" I gulped and nodded.

"Yes." I answered. I suddenly felt queasy. I just want to crawl under the blanket and cuddle with the one person on my mind right now.

"I understand if you don't want to, but can you please tell me why you were crying so hard you woke Cheryl and I up?" She looked pained that her only daughter was so sad. I felt bad. She was so tired and worried because of me. Tears blurred my sight again and I shook my head.

"Not now," I whispered. I used my fingers to wipe the falling tears away from my eyes. I lowered my head as my mom took me into a hug. "Not now." I repeated. Once I got myself together, we went back to the bus.

"Is everything okay?" Dad asked both of us. I guess I was noticeably distraught. I nodded and sat between Ross and Riker. The rest of the day was good, I just wish things were going the way I wanted.

---

"3...2...1..." We all chanted. "Happy New Years!" Everyone cheered. We had just finished the last show in California and now it's 2014. Damn that year went by fast. I looked to the people around me. No one seemed to notice I was there except one person. I couldn't help myself. I threw myself into his arms, nearly knocking him completely over. He caught me and held me tight. I pulled away and looked into his eyes. He looked at me with what I imagined as the same look I had. I didn't know what I was doing, but I didn't hesitate in leaning forward to kiss him. Our lips moved in sync with each other. The whole world around us was in slow motion. Just us two...

The kiss didn't end as soon as I thought it would. Not that I minded... Our lips seemed to fit each other's perfectly. Like they were made just for the other. I felt his hands hold my waist tightly, as not to let me go. I held his head in my hands, brushing my fingers through his hair. This was the moment I've dreamed of for what seems like eternity, but is more like a month or so. It just felt so...right. Being with him. I needed more, I wanted more. I want nothing else but him and only him.

Then the kiss came to stop after forever mixed with milliseconds. It seemed like we had been joined in a kiss for so long, but at the same time it was too short. I craved his kiss instantly.

Our eyes met in a gaze. Both of us too caught up in the moment to realize what was happening. But reality hit me. I stumbled away from him. I tripped through the crowd of people at this New Year's party. I found the entrance of the club and left. I realized I left my coat in the building. It's too late now. I can't go back. I found the bus and let myself in with the key I have. I stayed in the tight, pink dress I wore and didn't bother taking off my extremely tall heels. I left my hair in the tight, bunchy girls and didn't remove my makeup. I sat in my party get-up and sobbed. That was the moment that I have dreamed of and I just ruined it.

I started hyperventilating from crying so hard. I had to stand from my bunk and go to the bathroom because I felt so nauseous I thought I was going to throw up. Tears ruined my makeup and ran down my face as I waited for the vile liquid to leave my body but nothing came. I looked in the mirror. My makeup was so ruined I almost didn't recognize myself. My hair wasn't pretty and curly anymore. It was messy and tattered. I went back yo my bunk and curled up into a tight little ball. I wrapped my blanket tightly around my body but I still felt no warmth. I was freezing.

I thought I heard the bus door open, but who knows with my, loud obnoxious crying. "Rydel?" I knew I was imagining his voice. I heard footsteps, but I knew it was only a fragment of my imagination. I felt a hand on the fabric of my blanket where my knee was. I pulled my face out of the blanket and came face to face with my worst dream and my best nightmare. Ratliff.

"Delly?" I wanted to throw myself into him, like I did, but I contained myself this time.

"Ye-y-yes?" I sniffled. I wiped my eye and looked at my finger. It looked like I stuck my finger in a bowl of coal dust.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked calmly.

"I'm listening." I mumbled. He placed my jacket on my legs.

"You left this." He told me. I didn't respond. "Can we go somewhere where no one can walk in on us?" He questioned. I nodded. I hopped out of my bunk and stood, waiting for him to lead me to our private location. Okay, that sounded wrong. Ignore that and continue. I looked at him, looking at me, wondering why he wasn't doing anything. I sniffled as a few more tears fell. He was quick to wipe them away with his thumbs.

"You're too pretty to cry," he half-smiled at me. His hand still remained at my cheek. I placed my hand over his and leaned my head more into his palm. We stood like this for a moment. I pulled my hand away and angled my head out of his touch. He let his hand down and turned to walk out of the bus. I followed slowly. We walked down the street, stopping and sitting on a bench about a block away.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked. I knew it was about us, but anything to get a conversation going.

Anything at this point is better than nothing.