Baby's Breath

Chapter 10: clues

I kept telling myself that excessive stress and trauma from the near-death experience did me in. I've heard of stories where girls skipped periods because of anxiety or possibly PTSD. Yes, that was it.

"So, why don't you ask me any more about sex?" Audra sighed as she lusted over her pile of fries. I doubled it with the ones I didn't want.

Feeling confronted, I shoved the poor boy sandwich into my mouth. "I felt like an idiot asking you about it anyway," I answered, flecks of bread dribbled from my mouth. "Oops." I turned to my milk when I was done and loved how it washed cold down my throat.

"I didn't realize I made you feel like that." She looked up from her cell. It had been a two days that we started talking again. I felt so lonely from keeping the Josh secret, I decided to apologize for my mood swing and blamed it on my period.

"That's okay. I didn't want to sound desperate or anything, so, I stopped. No big deal." She stared at me until I blinked down, feeling like the huge liar I was. But then again, it was true. "What?" I met her gaze and touched my nose. "Do I have something hanging from my nose?"

She tilted her head, her eyes narrowing. "You seem . . . different. Are you sure you're okay?"

The room hiked a few degrees hotter, affecting my head and threw me into one of my dizzy spells. "The worst of this stupid flu is almost over. The doctor said I needed to keep up with my fluids and rest. That's all." I threw my shoulders back and gave her a cute smile. "I'll be okay, really."

Liar! You are pregnant, girl. Why else have you been suffering massive headaches? Vertigo flashes? What about the never-ending fatigue and toilet sessions? You still haven't had your period and it's been two weeks since.

"No, no." I toughened my resolve, clamping my jaw tight. That was the first time I had physically thought of my being pregnant, though in the subterranean of my subconscious, it'd always been with me. "You are not. It's only trauma, only trauma."

"What was that?" Audra asked without tearing her eyes from her phone.

"Just debating whether I have to do the report now or tomorrow. My head feels too—spinny." I giggled for effect with a tiny shrug. "Anyway, looks like it's time to clear out." I stood with my plate and dumped the excess stuff I disliked.

"See ya sixth." Audra smiled at me, blending in with the crowd as the bell rang.

Was I really pregnant? Audra would say I was stupid for letting it happen, then kill me if she found out it was with Josh. Jules and Rob would probably not talk to me anymore. Mom would freak out and never stop crying. Dad would kill me. A sudden wave of anxiety hit me and I started to hyperventilate. It was probably just my period being late, that's all. Right? I feel like this wave of anxiety came a little late in the paragraph, wouldn't it sound better right after the first sentence?

Whether I I (too many I's) was pregnant or not never left me. It dictated my thoughts, turning me into a mindless zombie. I smiled when people talked to me, laughed when I was supposed to, as well as answered their questions. If I had felt out of place right after my night with Josh, boy, did I ever feel it now. The ride home felt surreal as well as my conversation with Audra. I walked home and numbly did my after school routine.

On my bed with my book and papers sprawled—not answering the questions about Ancient Greece—I found myself doodling flowers along the margins. Mom had told me many times how pregnancy were like for her: Like how she had obsessive cravings for the strangest food and at the most oddest of times like peanut butter and pickle sandwiches at four in the morning. How her varicose veins acted up and how she went to the bathroom way often. I froze at the last thought and gnawed on my lip. I didn't crave, but I hated certain foods quite suddenly. My veins were just fine, but I'd been feeling bloated for over two weeks. Going to the bathroom was another matter.