Baby's Breath

Chapter 19: regret?

"What's going on? Is Jess okay?" Josh's face twisted into fear, Rick wedged into the room from behind him and lowered to his heels. "Is she still bleeding? Should I take her to the hospital?"

Did I hear his voice shake, or was it just my crazy cry-brain? I was too afraid to look at him.

"She's okay. Her hand's okay. Turns out that she had applied a ton of pressure and sealed her wound shut. She doesn't need stitches."

"I'll go get her some water." Rick jumped to his feet and hurried from the room, leaving a dumbfounded Josh. He dropped to his knees, his fingers gentle in my tangles. I stiffened, but bit my lip. Audra was here.

"Josh, uh, did you order the pizza already?" Audra stroked my back, her touch soothing.

"Yeah, it's on its way." His voice was rugged, choked. "Is she, Jess, are you okay? What's wrong?"

Audra's arms tensed around me, her hands at my back coming to a stop. His tenderness only intensified my heartache, reminding me what I was missing if I hadn't decided to be stupid and had sex with him. I shouldered away from him as he touched me, ducking my head further. My bangs covered my face and I stayed still.

"Hey, uh, can you go get me gauze, antigerm cream, and a bandage, please?" Audra's voice shook, her fingers probing my hand.

"Yeah, sure." I heard the hesitance in his voice, but he shuffled from the room.

"Just leave it at the door, too."

"Okay."

Audra huffed and shouted, "Close the door!" The door closed a second later. I listened to her calmness, and it clashed with my franticness. After a few minutes of strange silence, she said slowly, "Jessica, what's going on?"

How was I going to tell her? How would I begin to tell her? I gathered my hysterical thoughts and tried to make sense of everything, but she cleared her throat.

"Remember, be honest."

I cowered. She knew something, she knew something and would see right through me if I lied. How far should I take it, though? How? Should I tell her it was with her own brother?

I stirred, and she scooted with me toward the bed. We slumped against it, my hair still hiding my face. "I," my voice broke and I rolled my lips between my teeth with a ragged sigh, "I don't know where to begin. I've been locking everything in for a long time." I finally cleared my bangs from my eyes and met her gaze. It was the scariest thing to do. I expected to see condemnation there, but she hadn't heard the truth. I swallowed. "I'm pregnant."

"You?" was the first thing that came out of her mouth. It was an incredulous expression and I waited. "Wait a minute." She inhaled deeply, her eyes closing. I waited. When she opened them, she looked utterly confused. "You are pregnant?"

"Yeah," I whispered, but I couldn't hear myself.

"You?" She slowly rose to her feet, her hands clutching handfuls of her short hair. "But how? How? You're a virgin—Mary's the only one who will ever end up a pregnant virgin, my friend." She let go a short, choppy laugh.

I thought of the Virgin Mary and grimaced as I watched her walk in circles, her head back, hands still in her hair. What could I say? I was stunned into silence for breaking my unspoken promise to not tell anyone.

"Wait," she sunk to the carpet, her hand clasping her knees. "That hottie Veronica saw, it was with him, wasn't it? Wasn't it?"

All I could do was nod, more tears rushing. It is your brother, Audra. We had been going around since long before and we kept it and his breakup with his fiancée a secret this whole time. But I didn't have sex with him until March. Could you forgive me?