Baby's Breath

Chapter 15: unexpected

A few days later declared that I didn't, and probably would never, start my period. Renewed anxiety chased away my resolve and I struggled to look cheerful. The best way to stay afloat was to wear makeup and do my hair. People would be too busy looking at my face and nowhere else. Besides, it would hide all the weird little freckles that suddenly appeared on my cheek and neck. Now all I had to do was smile. I stood in front of the mirror and practiced until I even convinced myself.

"Hi, Mom. How are you doing?" Watching myself in the mirror, I tilted my head back and faked my laughter. "That was a good one. Hey, Audra." I wiggled my eyebrows. "I did it with your brother." I grimaced at my silly antics and stuck my tongue out at myself. "Jessica, you're such an idiot." I was through acting and gnawed on my fingernail as I stared at my chest through my clothes.

It had been a while since I'd checked—having believed I would start my period soon. With breath held and curious to see what changes my body endured, I eased my shirt and bra to my chin and made a face. Was it normal for my nipples to be so dark? Why did they hurt so much? My bra didn't fit me anymore, and my breasts itched like crazy—calling them boobs didn't feel right anymore since I was really pregnant. I know, weird. Then there were these blue veins and I wondered if I had scratched too much.

I crossed my arms over my bared chest and frowned. One night and the boy is totally clueless, and the girl gets stuck pregnant. If only I could slap Josh again. I was so mad at him still. I wanted to scream at him, shake him, tell him that it was all his fault.

"Fine." I eased my bra over and pulled down my shirt with a growl. "It's none of your business." I stabbed my finger at the mirror and scowled, remembering Audra's detached yet defensive attitude. "None at all." Armed and ready to face anyone, I threw my shoulders back and opened my door. But if I had perfect posture now, but when the time came my sudden slump would stick out like a sore toe. I winced at my realization. Better to ease Dad into it now than force feed it. Armed and ready to face to face the world, I slumped into my new posture.

No one noticed the transition I planned for the last week of school. With my makeup, well-coifed hair, and enthusiastic smile (no need for the corset as of yet), I got tons of double-takes from the opposite sex, and compliments from a zillion friends, including Audra.

"Girl, you're making your move. You're zeroing in. So tell me." She fed me a huge, knowing smile as the student body gathered in the auditorium for our last assembly. "Who's the lucky man?"

My insides quivered at her question and having to lie always made me sick. I wished that the restroom was more accessible from where we sat, and the thought knotted my stomach at the fact that I had let Audra choose our seating arrangement: at the way top of the bleachers.

"Come on." She bumped me with her shoulder and wiggled her eyebrows. "Is it Jonah?"

I must be really good if she couldn't catch on by now. "Jonah?" I wrinkled my nose and laughed out loud. What made her think I'd go for him of all people?

"Why not?" She bit her lip and dropped her eyes where he sat a few steps down and over. "He's a cutie. Nice butt."

"Huh." But I didn't bother looking at Jonah. Sure, I acted normal at school, at home, anywhere. Things went on unnoticed, but I wondered how long that would last. My newfound outlook even convinced myself until I was left alone at night in bed. That's when I lost sleep. I'd stare at the shadows from the trees in the backyard creep over my ceiling as the moon rose. No matter how foolproof I felt my plans were, I was terrified Dad would find out. He had hawk eyes. He could spot Jules in the act of sneaking extra time on the Xbox while in his room reading the paper. That was when fear reared its ugliness, leaving me hyperventilating and eventually, crying myself to sleep.