Baby's Breath

Chapter 35: no longer

I was sad, in fact, I cried my eyes out when Audra texted, telling me her house was all mine. It was true. I was alone. The menstrual-like cramps hurt worse especially the ninth month. It was as if I was starting my pregnancy all over again with the sore breasts, aching back, exhaustion, dizziness . . .

It was four in the afternoon and Dad was home for the rest of the day when it happened. My body ached like the flu and ripples of cramps froze my lower half. But I also felt cold and shaky and nauseous. Was it something I ate?

I worried how it would affect Babykins, so I prayed for his well-being. I curled up around my pillow and closed my eyes, willing the food poisoning away as I thought over and over what it was I had eaten last. A ham sandwich, juice, crackers. But everyone else had the same, and no one suffered.

I ran to the bathroom and hovered over the toilet, panic-stricken.

Suddenly, my uterus clamped tight and I gasped. Were these labor pains? Chills clawed my skin and I shivered as my fine hair rose high. I was terrified! I had to go somewhere private and fast. Home was nowhere to be when everyone was present. Would I make it to Audra's house on time? Did she leave her back door unlocked, or her window? wait, from the first paragraph i thought she was already at Audra's house? so where is she?

It felt as if I was at the start of a huge, scary rollercoaster. Alone with nothing more than a steep, dark tunnel for me to fall into. I had no idea if I would even survive, the fear turned reality. I wasn't ready for this! I wasn't! The dreaded time had come and Audra had to be gone! she wanted Audra gone? or Audra had to pick right now to be gone?

Though women had been having babies since the dawning of time, I was scared how something so big could pass through something so small. My vaginal opening was only a few inches long, not even an inch wide. How was it possible?

I swore, wishing I'd researched the process of child labor, but I didn't want anyone to catch me reading about it. So here I was, left to the wild of my imagination. From my bed to my dresser and back. I couldn't keep still. How long would it take before Babykins decided to come? With me, Mom said it was only five hours. She said that the first one took her thirteen. I always gave Jules a hard time for being so mean.

Finally, just before Mom started dinner at six, I decided to declare my departure to Audra's. They had no idea she was gone because I didn't tell anyone. It was our little secret.

The pang of heartache still choked me whenever I thought of how Josh had shouted at me, angry that I'd not told him earlier. He wanted me to get rid of it, but I didn't have the guts for abortion, and I didn't want anything to do with hospitals, either.

This is it. I pushed myself into a numb state of mindlessness. I fumbled for everything imaginable. Towels. Hand wipes. Brush. Blankets. Plastic pee sheets. Clean clothes and underwear. Toothbrush. If only I had been prepared beforehand, but I couldn't risk anyone finding my stuff. What was I missing? My keys, of course.

After slipping into sweats and shoes, I grimaced at my purse. It bulged. "Stupid, stupid!" What was I thinking? I would make it look totally normal. No one would suspect. I took each stair one at a time. Slow. There, on the hook by the front door, my book bag hung. I had forgotten it there the last day of school before the holidays. And there, beside it, was the living room. There, in the living room, was Dad and Jules while Mom cooked.

"You can do this," I whispered. The banister grew slick and I wiped my palm against my pants.

"What are you doing sneaking?" Rob shouted, his hands slapping my shoulders. I screamed. He laughed. "You're one funny chick." Then he passed me and joined Dad on the couch.