Already Broken (Magcon And 5sos Fanfic) {discontinued}

Chapter 18

*Matt's POV*

Dear Matthew Lee Espinosa,

I'm sorry but you wouldn't care cause you're the one who caused this. You started this. But I forgive you. You showed me that I am what I am.

I hated myself. I trusted you with my secrets but you decided to bully me for reasons that I don't know of. I was sad, depressed and alone when you decided to bully me. I started cutting in the 6th grade cause I couldn't take keeping it in anymore. I was just hoping you would change your mind and stop it all.

Ever since a child you knew I was beaten and a reject. I was rejected by my other family members. I missed my family, you knew that. You knew that I would get nightmares from that night. You knew that I would wake up crying and you always knew cause everytime that happened you would knock on my window to come inside to comfort me. You didn't care if it was in the middle of the night.

You were always there but then you just left me. You left me to fend for myself. You knew that I needed you so I can talk to someone.

Then I lost Shawn. I pushed people away so they won't see my pain of losing my friends. I know I had Luke, Cal, Ash and Mikey but they were always away doing something. I needed someone to lean on, to hold when I cried.

I just miss how we use to be. I miss everyone that I lost including you and Shawn. I hate how come I just wasn't good enough to be any of your guys friends. I just want to wake up with amnesia everyday. I hoped I would so I didn't know or feel the pain I have. It just hurts too much.

I been getting my chest pains again. I would've died anyways so why not now? All I wanted was for everybody to be happy even if it ment for me to be miserable and unhappy but I hoped that I would be happy one day and for the rest of my life.

I felt so alone. I felt invisible. My own family didn't know about what was happening. I couldn't trust them. I have trust issues now. I have social anxiety. I'm anxoric. I knew I was fat and ugly. Knew since I was a child. I wanted to die when I was 5. It was hard for me to cope with life.

I remember when we were in the 5th grade and for my 11th birthday you got me this stuff animal that was a penguin. I still have him. I kept him and now you can keep him if you want to. I laughed that day cause you knew how much I loved penguins. It was kind of Luke's and my thing. But sadly that was the last birthday that we actually had together that was happy. From that day forward nobody remembered my birthday. It's fine cause who would want to. It's just another year until you die. Why would you want to celebrate that?

It's kind of funny that when you're dead how people start to listen. Even though I wanted to hate you I couldn't cause I care too much. I just really wished that I could make up my mistake that made you bully me.

Great I'm crying now. I just hope you have a amazing life when I'm dead. I hope you get to live out your dream and please don't ever let go of your friends. Goodbye Matthew Lee Espinosa.

Love,
Christina Nguyen Hemmings.

By the end I was crying and sobbing cause I didn't relize how much we ment to her. Cause I left her and she could've been dead if I didn't find her in time. I cried cause I missed her too.

*Chris's POV*

I woke up to a bright light. I squinted and sat up. I rubbed my eyes to get the sleepiness out of my eyes.

"GUYS SHE'S AWAKE!" Someone yelled. I jumped at the sudden sound. I looked around and found myself in my room. I looked to my right and I felt my heart jump. There was Calum looking at me with his puppy eyes and his smile. "Hi." He whispered softly. He looked like he's been crying.

I smiled back. "Hi." I whispered back just as softly. Just then I heard a groan from beside me. I looked to my left and saw Michael curled up into a ball. I turned my body towards him and poked his face. "Wake up Mikey." I whispered.

His eyes popped open and once he saw me he hugged me. "Don't do that again Chris." He pulled away. His eyes were red and puffy. I felt terrible since I woke up cause I didn't die but after seeing Cal's and Mikey's faces I feel worse.

Calum stood up and walked towards the beanbag that Luke was sleeping in still. "Cal." I said. He looked back. "Let me do it since I cause all of this." He nodded. I pulled the covers off of me, got out of bed and started walking towards Luke.

I wasn't feeling any pain physically so that's a plus. Once I got to Luke I shook him. "Lukey wake up."

His eyes fluttered opened. He yawned while stretching but once he relize what was happening he jumped up and picked me up. He spun me around. I started giggling a little bit. "Oh my God Chris. You woke up!"

"Shut up!" I heard someone yelled from the bay window. Luke set me down and kissed my head. I look over to the bay window to see a sleeping Ashton. I looked behind me to motion the boys to stay silent. I turned back around and tip toed to where Ashton was.

Once I got to him I poked his side. "Ashy washy please wake up." I said in my baby voice. Ashton squirmed but opened his eyes once he noticed who it was. "Chris," he jumped up," Oh my God you're up baby girl." He kissed my head and picked me then threw me on my bed. He walked towards me and started tickling me.

"Don't do that never, ever again okay?" I laughed while nodding. "You had us worried sick baby girl." My smile dropped.

"Oh I'm sorry." I apologized. I looked at all of their faces and they all seemed like they were crying.

"Hey turn that frown upside-down." Cal said while bringing the corners of my mouth up. I giggled while bring my smile up.

"There's that smile that lights up the world." Mikey smiled.

"So you want to hear what the meeting was about?" Luke asked. I nodded.

"Well we're," Ashton started, "the music act for magcon! And you get to come with us!" He looked so excited and so did the other boys.

"Oh my budda that's great!" I clapped while smiling.

I wish I knew what that was before I said that.

A/N

What do you think will happen next?

Thank you for reading and you guys know the drill.

You are beautiful, good enough and amazing and perfect just the way you are. Don't let anybody else change that.

I love you.

-Pengi