Why?

IV

Like all women who were in someway 'different', I felt my loves to be such also. Lindsey, was my only love, and I was willing to sacrifice so much for him. Our intimacies spanned decades, and yet I still was immediately unsure of how to greet him after such a lengthy absence, as soon as he had called to say he was coming back.
So, on the day of his expected arrival, I lay in the sunshine behind the oak tree, rocking Hannah in her seat beside me. I managed to drift off myself, awaking to the sensation of a familiar body beside me. His rough fingertips traced my face, generating a succession of tingles when they rubbed my lower lip, as I steadily opened my lids. "Linds?" I asked, in disbelief.

"Hey." He smiled. I smiled back sleepily, mirroring his movements and placing my hand on his cheek. We instinctively shuffled toward each other on the blanket, holding each other closely and tightly, the sound of one another's breathing in each other's ears. There were really no words that could be said to console either of us after such a prolonged separation, and feeling our bodies so close to one another was the best expression we had at hand. His forehead met mine and I glimpsed tears glistening in his eyes. There were no tears in my eyes. No painful lump in my throat. My biology was in denial. "She's sleeping still," I confirmed as I sat up and viewed my daughter, him wrapping his arms from behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder as we sat cross legged. "I know, I was scared of waking her..." He sighed. "I...She's...I'm so glad to be back." 

For at least an hour, we remained in the same position, our bodies dependent on each another for comfort, the sun declining in height at such a snail's pace that the shadows around us barely signalled any change at all, the peaceful rustling of the lush grass and nearby forests in the slight breeze, the melody to our union. His presence solved everything for now, but anxious questions raced through my mind intermittently.
Eventually our silent embrace was ended with Hannah's small whimpers, Lindsey immediately taking her, her cries soon ending as she gawked up at him for the fist time in many months, gleefully addressing him "Dada", as she reached to tug his curls.