Why?

XXXV

Lindsey managed to get joint custody of Will, and I grew even more fond of the little boy as he interacted so well with Hannah. The wedding was a discreet affair a few days before Hannah's first birthday, and our honeymoon was simply a couple weeks back in New Zealand during the height of its summer. When we arrived back, we decided to take a break from music, knowing that the road and studio were not appropriate places for a baby girl. When you get to my age time seems to pass so fast, and like that I was almost fifty-five years old, and me and Lindsey were months off our third anniversary. By no means was our relationship perfect, but parenting mellowed us somewhat, and we still loved each other very much.

The weekend before my birthday on the Tuesday, Lindsey and Karen had planned a get together for me and some girlfriends in the afternoon, first at the spa, and then for lunch in a fancy bar that'd been booked out- not wanting any public attention on such a private occasion. I was making my way to the bathroom to call and check on him and Hannah, when I walked into the shoulder of a blonde woman.
"Oh sorry I wasn't looking where I was g- Kristen, um hi? What are you doing here?"
"I thought I'd drop in to wish you a happy birthday."
She beamed, and I saw she was taking advantage of the free drinks.
"Oh, that's sweet, thank-you."

She was an acquaintance nowadays, with Will being around so often, but our exchanges had never amounted to more than the odd doorstep chat or small talk at some school event I'd accompanied Lindsey to. She'd clearly been enjoying the open bar, and although she wasn't being deliberately irritating, but she was continuing to ramble on, and I was losing patience.

"Kristen, Im sorry but I really need to make a call," I sighed.
"Oh one moment Steves, we have a lot in common," she said patting my arm and flashing me a knowing look.
"We've both been cheated on by that bastard excuse for a husband," she chuckled, sipping her cocktail. "I'm kidding!" She assured.
"Kristen, please...We've moved on. That feels like a long time ago."
"How does it feel living with him in that house?"
"What do you mean?"
"His house. Lindsey's house. The house where you know, we used to..."
"We moved when I came back to LA, you know that."
"Oh shit, yeh, sorry, scatterbrain here!...You know, I'm sorry for what happened too, it just...Happened."
"That's, um, thanks, like I say...It's in the past."
"I mean...It just started when you were away recording one weekend, and then it just...Carried on..."
"What do you mean exactly?"
"I think we were drunk the first time, then the second time he was angry with you about something, but he shot off afterwards. Then it was a phone call here, and phone call there, then when he would come and pick Will up or drop him off, it's not like he ever stayed. Then you went on tour, and I slept over one night when William wasn't sleeping well, the first week you were gone, and well...One thing led to another and I just...Stayed. Then this one afternoon he really wouldn't leave me alone, I'm talking permanent wood," she laughed, "I was in the kitchen trying to make lunch, Will was playing, and- like I said, he would not leave me alone, you know how men are- so I just gave in and then...You walked in and I felt so terrible...I mean maybe when you were away it was different, but when he saw your face, he barely touched me again after that, not for months, not even on our wedding night..." I was shaking. "Stevie you're ok right? I mean it's ancient history now."
"Sure, of course, I just remembered something...I mean, I need to go. See you later Kristen."

***

"Hello?" I called out into the house as I entered, pulling off my heels and leaving them by the stairs for now. Disappointed that no one responded, I strolled barefoot through the darkness to the kitchen in search of some wine, flicking on the lights.
"Surprise!"
"Happy birthday mommy!"
Lindsey beamed at me as Hannah ran to hug my legs. I glanced around the room. There was what looked like a significant amount of dishes in the sink, but the remainder was spotless and perfect. The finest plates and cutlery lay out on a velvet cloth, fine food of all varieties spreading from the centre outwards- and wine of course. I kneeled down to hug her before she ran off to sit at the table, singing to herself. "You did all this...Yourself? For...Me?" I asked Lindsey as I made my way over to him. "Of course for you."
"You cooked? It looks amazing, it must've took hours."
"Karen helped me, you can thank her too." I wrapped my arms around his waist, looking up at him.
I rested my head against his chest for a moment, a fusion of emotions overwhelming me. He caressed my neck, leaning in for a kiss. We managed a few seconds of passion before Hannah piped up.
"Uncle Mick said that if you kiss like that I get to put you on the naughty step. Because it's rude." We fell against each other with laughter at her nerve.
"Well Uncle Mick is a hypocrite, and he isn't here, so I guess..." Lindsey pondered as he raced to her chair, "I get to put you on the naughty step madam!" She squealed as he flung her over his shoulder, tickling her neck, putting her back down once she became breathless.
"Ok, ok, I'll let you go this time." He surrendered, coming to sit the other side of me, squeezing my hand as I shook my head at their antics.

I spoke to Lori on the phone as Lindsey put Hannah to bed, relieving me of bedtime reading for the night, even though I didn't really mind of course- she was my daughter and I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have one at all. He was still occupied after I hung up, and so I took my glass of wine onto our balcony, not even finishing it earlier.
"Hey," Lindsey whispered as he came to sit beside me, making me jump a little.
"Hey, was she ok?"
"Dropped off in no time, nothing like her mother!" I playfully flicked his wrist, dramatically rolling my eyes. "What about you? Are you ok? How was your afternoon?" He continued.
I thought for a while before I spoke.
"No, yes...It was fine, good."
"Are you sure?" I nodded, leaning my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my thigh.
"Thank you for dinner, it was unexpectedly delicious."
"Karen will take try and take full credit, but I only asked her where the whisk was, and then she started stirring things for me!"
"I believe you..." I briefly kissed his jaw, taking his hands as we sat in silence for a while.
"Did I do something wrong?" He asked seriously as I looked up and he wiped my tears away.
I thought for a moment. "No, I...I don't think you did."
"I love you." He said emotively, thumbing my lips as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I took a long breath of his scent, smoothing his body before my hands settled, cupping his face.
"I know," I smiled.