Why?

V

We put Hannah to bed around seven, and began cooking dinner for just the two of us. Lindsey had always been a lousy chef, but he helped me with chopping and peeling, having been forced to improve his technique by me in that area. I returned from the restroom to find him stirring the sauce on the stove. I snuck up behind him, snaking my arms around his waist. "Are you trying to poison me?" He jumped a little in surprise.
"I'm trying to help."
"If these past few months have taught me anything, it's that I don't need your help in the the kitchen." I pressed a kiss to his shoulder as he tutted.
"What about in other rooms?" He asked mischievously, turning down the heat on the hob and covering the pan with its lid.
"Well...It depends."
"Why?" I simply waggled my finger at him and returned to the worktop.
The oven timer had a while left, and we went to take a break in the lounge until it was ready. I smiled at the dozen or so candles that had been lit in there, and the neat collection of pillows and blankets by the blazing fire. He guided me by the hand to sit with him, kneeling on his lap, as I rested my arms around his neck. He kissed me chastely on the lips, then repeated the action several times, deepening it as he continued. Soon his hands were in my hair, his tongue in my mouth, and- with my eyes closed- I imagined that this could've been many different nights. I moaned a little as his hands began to move up and down my back, creating warmth from the friction, and reassuring me of his presence. I let my head loll back as he slowly explored my neck, finding his way back to my face. I blushed and he closed his eyes, sighing. "We should talk." I said firmly, my hand squeezing his.
"You're right." He smiled, pecking my lips, "I've missed this." We both stood up.
"I've...Me too."
"Baby I...I can't even..." He shook his head into his hands and began to pace. "I love you more than....Anything, but...I can't make this better you know?" He explained emotionally. I sighed, fiddling with my rings, my stomach sinking.
"Let's just eat."

***

I wanted him so badly. Beside me. Inside me. Yet I was anxious. It had been so long and I was not a young woman. Every week, every month he had been gone I had imagined some slice of my appeal waning. There was a tightness in my chest, and a sickness in my stomach as he lowered me onto the sheets, never breaking our kiss. I had been unknown to any other for years now, and I knew the same could not be said for him.
He kissed every inch of me, peeling away my gown to gawk at the black negligee and stockings, running his hands over their clips as he rubbed his nose against my exposed neck, and then over the tops of my breasts.
"Oh my god." He muttered as he looked down at my body, resting his palm on my stomach, slowly bringing up the sheer material and leaning between my thighs to suck at the skin there. I stifled a moan, as he sat up to unbuckled his belt as I straightened up, pulling at his t-shirt. He was a glorious sight in his boxers, his hardness obvious through the thin material. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." We kneeled facing each other and I gave into my urge to hold him, wrapping my arms around his waist and hiding my face in his shoulder. "Are you ok?" He whispered, stroking my lower back.
"Yes, I just..." Before I could think of how to end the sentence, the baby monitor beside us sounded with our daughter's cries. I gasped, rolling off the bed and rushing down the hallway. "Oh Hannah sweetie," I rocked her against me, realising she was in need of a nappy change. Lindsey walked in just as I began the process. He pledged his service but I refused. I'd already began, so why not finish the job? Once I'd finished, I placed Hannah back into her crib where still snoozed off almost instantly. I felt Lindsey's arms close around my shoulders and waist as I stood watching her little chest slowly move up up down. "You are beautiful. Perfect. And so is she, just like you."