Why?

XXVIII

I followed him across the road as he navigated the traffic, his hand tightening around my wrist as to make sure I was with him. His hand slipped down to lock with my fingers instead as we approached the sidewalk, where other people were around. He stopped me on the curb. "Here."
He pulled a tissue out of his pocket, dampening it with a spot of his saliva before holding my face still with one hand, as he cleaned the drying trails of eye make-up from my face with the other. He led me into the grand building just as people began to stare. It was the fanciest hotel in the city, and having only rarely seen it from the exterior in daylight, it had taken me a few seconds to realise. "Li-"
"Just listen to me. Ok?" I gritted my teeth, seething as he led us into an elevator. Other people came and went and his hand crept back up my wrist. We exited at the highest level and I shoved him away from me, storming out to the end of the corridor to try and find a route to the roof for some clean air, but only finding more hotel rooms. Lindsey made me jump, reaching around my waist to unlock the door I faced. Stepping in, I was startled. It was the penthouse suite. Windows- the two largest acted as doors to the balcony- and their flowing curtains lined the entire room, the mountains and city lights visible on one side, the crashing waves of the sea on the other. The bed was vast and adorned in silk sheets that sat beneath an expanse of rose petals that led to our feet. Candles were lit on both nightstands. "Go wait on the balcony," he told me, walking off go the bathroom. Unable to think of a response I yanked my wrist from my grip, kicked off my heels, and burst out the doors onto the cold stone slabs, the breeze too cooler than I had anticipated. Stubbornly, I stayed shivering, making my way to lean on the wall, the sounds of the city swirling in my ears as I looked over it, aware that somewhere at the foot of the mountains slept my daughter. I jumped as I felt his arms around me. "Sorry, you looked cold."
"That's because I am," I snapped, still looking away at the landscape and refusing to entertain his gaze.
"Why? Why are you so pissed? All I did was politely speak to a fan for a couple minutes. It's nothing you wouldn't have done yourself."
"I wouldn't have...Have..."
"What?"
I burst into tears for an older sorrow, not for the woman he'd spoke to that night.
He hastily cradled me against him.
"Ssh, ssh baby it's ok. I understand now. I'm sorry."
"I'm scared."
"I'm here, I love you Steph."
"That's why I am scared!" I pushed him away, thinking back to what he'd done, disgusted. I couldn't handle how hurt he looked, moisture appearing to have gathered in his own eyes, so I ran back inside. I considered leaving but thought better of it, realising it was probably too late to organise a car, dragging our fight to the house where our daughter was sleeping once Lindsey would realise where I'd gone. I went to the bathroom to remove my messed makeup, then returned to the bed where I stepped out my dress, crawling under the duvet and sobbing into the pillow.

I must have fallen to sleep eventually, because I bolted awake with a scream, the sweat on my body illuminated by the moonlight, bashing a familiar hairy limb beside me.
"Nightmare?" He said, pulling a rose petal out of my hair and holding it up.
My chest exaggeratedly rose and fell as I caught my breath, trying to remember why I felt unhappy with him, while scrambling to hold on to flashes of my dream.
"You're alive, you're alive." I whispered.
"Huh?"
"My dream..." I cried. "I couldn't...Save you."