Greenflame: pain

f o u r

Lloyds pov

Now that I know how I feel about Kai I don't know if I should tell him. If I tell him and he doesn't feel the same way it would ruin our friendship. He would hate me and never talk to me again. He'd think I am disgusting freak. Kai will never love me and that's it. There is no chance he could like me. Plus he already has a girlfriend that he truly loves. He will never love me like I love him.

What if he does? What if Kai does love me but he hasn't realized it. If I tell Kai maybe he would think the same way. Maybe he would say yes and be my boyfriend. He would dump Skylor for me. I know he loves me. He has to. We always talk and we are really close. We tell each other everything. Is that just a friendship? No it must mean something more. I really hope it means something more. I want it to mean something more.

That's it the decision is made. I will tell Kai how I feel. Kai surely does feel the same way. I don't know when and I don't know how I will say it, but I will. Kai shall be mine. He is mine and will always be mine forever. No girl or boy could take him away from me. He will be mine, I know it.

Time skip to Saturday (still Lloyd pov)

I couldn't help, but feel very jealous when Kai left to go pick up Skylor for there stupid date. Kai should be taking me on dates. He should be holding my hand. He should be kissing me. He should be hugging me. He should cuddle with me and only me, but no he has Skylor. Stupid stupid stupid Skylor.

I still haven't told Kai how I feel. To be honest I'm scared out of my mind. Thoughts keep running through my head. I'm scared he will reject me. Every time I get the chance to tell him I back out. I always get so close and then I don't. I regret it each time. I have cried myself to sleep for the last couple of nights thinking of Kai rejecting me.

I need Kai. I don't want to live without him. If he says no I don't know what I will do. I just want him so badly. I want him to be mine. I want me to be his.

I want to distract myself from Kai for a little while. I grab a computer and decide to go on a dating website. I don't know why, I'm bored. The website is called matchmaker.com. I make a profile and start looking through some people. A dot pops up at the bottom of the screen indicating someone wants to chat with me. I click on the dot and see someone texted hey. I click on the persons profile. It's a girl, her name is hope and she is 17. He profile picture is a girl with blond hair, a pink shirt with and a white mini skirt, probably her. I decide to text her back.

Lloyd: hi
Hope: how are you
Lloyd: good. What about you
Hope: I kinda feel really bad. Me and my bf just broke up
Lloyd: well I'm not really doing good either
Hope: what's up?
Lloyd: I like this person and idk if they like me back
Hope: you should tell that person
Lloyd: okay I will!
Hope: give me your phone number so you can tell me how it goes.
Lloyd: okay it's 555-7445-0886
Hope: mine is 555-8493-6290 now leave and go tell her
Lloyd: it's a him
Hope: well go tell him. Go go now before its to late
Lloyd: okay!

I sign off the computer. Hope wasn't bothered by Kai being a boy. I just need to tell him. I put hope into my contacts and use her profile picture as the picture. Kai is still gone so I wait on the couch for him. A few minutes later I hear a ding from my phone and see Kai has texted me.

Kai: about to be home with good news! 👍

I will tell him when he gets here. I will just have to wait. I wait a couple of minutes for Kai. My fingers drum on the table out of boredom. I just have to let this out. If I don't I will regret it for all of my life. I just have to say it. I hear a knock at the door and I get up and open it. Kai is on the other side.

"I have really good news!"Kai says excitedly.

We walk to the couch and sit. I just need to say it. Kai wants to tell me good news but I have waited so long I just have to let this out.

"Kai I need to tell you something,"I say. There is no turning back now.

"You can tell me anything,"he says.

Here goes nothing," I l-love you."

"I love you too buddy,"he tells me.

"No, I love you in a more than friend way,"I say.

"Ew! What!? That's gross! You are only suppose to like girls! I have a girlfriend dude!"Kai yells.

I run up to my room and once again cry myself to sleep. This time knowing my only love will never love me.

****
My stomach had this pain in it writing the whole second part of this chapter. No it's not a sickness pain. It that pain when you know your love doesn't love you. Yeah I was feeling lloyds pain. I'm getting way to involved with this book.

Anyways next is Kai's pov

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