Sincerely yours, Ellie. #Wattys2018

Kabanata 2

Kabanata 2

"PUTANGINA AYAN NANAMAN YANG BATA MO, CRISSA! LUMALANDI NANAMAN!" Nakita kong sumilip si itay mula sa maliit na bintana namin.

"T-tulungan mo ako, M-marco.. I-itakas mo ako dito, parang awa mo na!" Pigil na sigaw ko sa kapitbahay namin na kaibigan ko. Halos lahat na ng taga-Tondo ay kilala ko. At halos lahat din ay nakikita ang araw-araw na impyerno ngunit wala ni isa ang tumutulong.

"Sige, makakaasa ka, Ellisha. Sa ngayon bumalik ka muna--"

"Ayoko, Marco! Nagmamakaawa ako! Umalis na tayo, M-marco-- AAH!" Pakiramdam ko ay natanggal mula sa ulo ko ang buhok ko sa lakas ng hablot ng ina ko.

"NAKAKAHIYA KA, ELLISHA! PUMASOK KA NG BAHAY AT MAGTUTUOS TAYO!"

"AYOKO KO PO, INAY! M-MASAKIT PO!"

"SUMASAGOT KA NANG BATA KA AH! ETONG SAYO! HM!" Lagapak ako sa maputik na lupa nang balibagin ako ni Inay. Wala akong magawa kundi humingi ng tulong kay Marco pero wala siyang ginagawa..

"W-wag po!"

"Tommy, nak! Ikulong mo nga yang kapatid mo sa kwarto nang matuto maging maayos!" Napaigik nanaman ako nang kaladkarin ako ng nanay ko paloob ng kubo namin at doon ako kinulong kasama ang kapatid ko sa ina.

"W-wag, Tommy.. Ma-maawa ka, Tommy!" Sa isang iglap ay napunit ang aking kasuotan. Naghubad siya sa harapan ko habang tumatawa at pilit na pinapasok sa aking bibig ang kanyang ari.

"PUTA KA, WAG KA NANG MAHIYA! GUSTO MO DIN NAMAN TO, KAPATID!"

"Ah!" Nawalan ako ng malay sa kanyang sapak at suntok sa aking tagiliran.

"AYOKO! WAG PO!"

"ELLIE, SHIT!" Nakaramdam ako ng mainit na yakap at haplos saaking buhok, "It's just a nightmare, sweetheart. I won't let anyone hurt you.."

"A-aidan.."

"Hush now, missy.." Hinalikan niya ang noo ko at pinahiga akong muli.

Those lost memories wandered inside my mind, until I drifted to sleep, in Aidan's arms.

Nagbuntong hininga ako nang gumising ako na wala si Aidan saakin tabi. I know, I know he's my frenemy. But still there is "friend" in the mixture and he's always there when I need him or someone.

Or was it just a dream? A surreal dream?

I grabbed my macbook and logged into my online writing job. I write articles or whatever literature while they pay me, and writing would be suitable for an irregular girl like me.

Here's to the girls who cry their heart out,

There are 3 things you should do in your life.

      First, don't cry. No, really, stop crying. What's the use of crying, anyway? Does it make your problems fade in the wind? Does it make the mountains move and do faith by itself? Does it make you reach your felicity purely?
 
     Second, let go. Maybe those reasons that makes you let your tears out is because they are imprisoned inside you, and the only thing to escape is throught your eyes. It's not a bad thing to forget sometimes, especially when it really makes a big burden in ourselves.

    Third, smile. Go on, smile. Now that's a beautiful girl who's reading this right now. Show them that you're strong, that what they have done to you is only a joke. Because if you cry, and let them see you in misery, they'll just scoff at you because they don't care. Even if you cry your own blood. Would you let them treat you like that? I wouldn't.

P.S. Don't forget that there will always be someone who'll dry your tears, but don't wait for them. It's better to wipe it on your own because at the end, only yourself will make you stand.

- Ellie

"Breakfast is ready, El." Dinig kong sambit ni daddy mula sa kabilang dako ng pinto.

"Yep! Coming, dad."

I wore my bunny shoes and swiftly ran downstairs. Doon ko nakita si mommy na inaantay ako at si daddy na naghahain. I sat beside them and prayed.

Simula noong nangyari ang milagro sa buhay ko, natuto akong maniwala. Kahit hindi ko pa Siya nahahawakan o nakikita, I know He's always there.

Dahil alam kong pinadaan niya ako sa ganoong sitwasyon para maging matapang ngayon.

Though I don't know if I really became strong. Deep inside, nanginginig pa rin ako tuwing nakakakita ng sako o stick ng makapal na kahoy. Deep inside, I'm still scared that the past will go here and haunt me in my sleep.

"Ellie, at 2 pm, 5 hours rest then we'll go to Milan for the Fashion Week at 7 pm. Then 12 mn, back to Philippines, 4 am, travel to Puerto Galera for the photoshoot for The M Clothing together with Lennox Kavanaugh. Then at 10 am--"

"Stop, Aura. Let's just think that this day, will be a busy yet fun day. I don't want to hear the clock ticking and rushing feet." Tumango siya at ngumiti. Oh, I know that smile.

"You'll be okay, Ellie." Aniya, "May 5 hours pa, saan punta mo?"

Tumingin ako sa itaas na tila andoon ang sagot, "Maybe somewhere or everywhere."

"Take a good care of yourself, even when Aidan is around." Nirolyo ko ang mata ko at pabirong tinulak siya palabas ng bahay.

Am I "this" dependent to Aidan Mozakowski?

Simula noong mawala siya sa panahong pinakakailangan ko siya, natuto na akong umiyak at tumahan ng mag-isa. He was a living wall back then. Sakanya ako sumasandal.

But now, we have to learn that there's no such thing as staying.

"You look tired, El." Dad noticed, "It's still morning, eh?"

"Well, the birds haven't tweeted yet." Ngumiti siya saka ako hinalikan sa noo at nagpaalam umalis. Now, I am literally alone.

Nagpasya akong lumabas ng bahay para magpahangin at humanap ng inspirasyon para sa aking ginagawang nobela. It is about a boy finding himself. Lost, broken, and his soul is nowhere to be found.

Tumingin ako sa speakers ng mga poste ng subdivision na nagpapatugtog ng bagong kanta.

My youth is yours..

Bumaba ako ng aking bike at namitas ng bulaklak sa front yard at nakita si Tatay Yohan na nagdidilig.

"Pinalabas ka nanaman ba sa kulambo, tay?"

"Pff! H-hindi ah! I'm just appreciating nature." Sakto namang lumabas si nanay Bree na nakapamewang.

"May lalabhan ka pa doon sa loob kaya bilisan mo diyan, Mariano. Oh, Ellie! You're here!"

"Hi, nanay! Pwede po ba akong pumasok? Andyan po ba si Freon?"

"Ay oo! Tignan mo sa loob." Aniya kaya pumasok ako sa malaking entrance door ng mga Mariano at dumiretso sa kusina. Doon ko nakita si Freon Mariano na nagbebake nanaman ng cake.

"Are you baking my favorite, Frey?" Mukhang nagulat ko pa siya sa pagdating ko sa kitchen.

"Ellie! O-of course! I was about to go to your house after baking this. But... Seems like di ko na kailangan pumunta doon." Umupo ako sa isa sa mga high chair ng bar counter at pinanood siyang magmano-mano sa pagmimix. Ngumiti naman siya saakin at pinagpatuloy ang gawain niya.

If Freon was Aidan, I would fall harder.

But he ain't, so I won't.